The "HOW-TO" For Living In The Present Moment
Fall is in the air and I am loving it! Cooler mornings and evenings, jeans and cozy sweaters, nature changing to a lovely new palate of deep and rich colors, pumpkin everything…all of it adds up to my personal favorite time of year! Autumn is that wonderful season of opposites that blend perfectly…a sense of harvest, of plenty, of abundance and maturity, and, at the same time a sense of decline and decay. And, with both these seemingly opposite concepts being held in sync together, we experience autumn as a sense of change, of transition. Our surroundings remind us that we are always developing, changing, transitioning and that life is not permanent therefore highlighting the importance of embracing the present.
The concept of “living in the moment” or “being present” is often used as a tool in psychotherapy or mental health therapy. I use it with clients by teaching them “mindfulness” strategies which are designed to keep our minds “in the moment”. When we live our lives more often “in the moment” we are not living in the past possibly rehearsing painful scenarios or things we think we did wrong and we are not living in the present where we often “what-if” in our thoughts or worry about what may or many not happen. Both scenarios, over-analyzing the past that has already happened or over-worrying about the future that hasn’t happened yet are places where there is no actual control and therefore often leads to anxiety and depressive symptoms.
Does this mean you are never supposed to think about the past or never plan or think about the future? Not at all. Those things can be helpful as we look back and reflect on things already done and how we might use that information to make changes in ourselves and in our lives. And, looking forward helps us set goals and live a more full and meaningful life. But if you notice you tend to ruminate on the past and/or worry about the future, then you might want to consider learning strategies to stay in the present moment more often. Your best life actually hinges on your ability to pay attention to the present.
Here are some tips for practicing living in the moment:
1. Understand and know to your core that you are NOT your thoughts.
For many of us we let our thoughts control us. If I have a thought, it must be true so I feel the feelings the are created by that thought and then I react or behave in response to the feeling. This often leads to a paradox where we engage in many behaviors we really don’t want to be doing! When we learn and realize that our thoughts are just thoughts and that they often are not true or not helpful, and that there is no need to “hook” into them or believe them, we can then start to live in a way that is mindful. We experience that we can just be the observer of our thoughts without judging them or believing them. Being mindful with our thoughts means being with any thoughts we have, not grasping at them or trying to push any thoughts away, not reacting to them. Just letting them be there as we experience the actual moment we are in.
Learning and practicing being the non-judgmental observer or our own thoughts gives us the awareness of the present moment. This is mindfulness and mindfulness has been studied extensively. We know that this practice reduces stress, boosts immune functioning, lowers blood pressure and reduces chronic pain. It also has been shown to increase our sense of meaning and well-being in our lives. Studies show that mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic and have stronger feelings of self-worth which leads to more confidence and the ability to the live the life they truly want to be living in a very authentic way.
2. Practice mindfulness daily.
Mindfulness practice has also been shown to reduce impulsivity and reactivity. We see reductions in binge eating and attention issues as well as a reduction in depressive and anxious symptoms. People who practice mindfulness also report more satisfying and close relationships.
If you want to try a mindfulness practice I have a few practical ways you can give it a go:
Actively savor. Savoring is about really taking in and enjoying what is here and now. This is relishing in whatever you are doing in the moment. An example would be eating a piece of chocolate. In that moment, put all distractions aside. Use all your senses to take it in…what does it look like, what does it smell like, how does the texture change when it’s in your mouth, how does it taste. Use your senses to ground you in the moment you practice savoring. Savoring is not just about food. Other examples would be sitting outside in the evening watching the sunset or washing the dishes or taking a shower. Use all your senses to experience that very moment.
Breath. Establish a breath protocol for yourself. The one I use is a breath through the nose for a count of 3 and an exhale through the nose for a count of 6. Box-breath is another protocol some people like. Whatever protocol you choose the idea is to stay in the moment with your breath. Even just 3 cycles of your breath protocol multiple times a day gives you a start to a daily mindfulness practice.
Cultivate flow. Flow happens when you are so into a task or an experience that you lose track of time as well as other things around you. This is where you are so deep into an experience that you are completely absorbed and distractions cannot get to you. Flow is tricky in that you can’t “make yourself” go into flow. However, you can set up the environment in a way that may produce it for you. For many people this means setting a goal that is challenging but not impossible. You don’t want the goal to be something you’ll get stressed about but you also don’t want to be bored. Make sure your goal is clearly defined and you always know your next step. I find flow often in rock climbing or riding my bike. I know the goal (to get to the top of the climb) and I know the steps I will be taking to get there (finding the next foothold or handhold). My attention or focus is very narrow in this state. My awareness of what I am doing becomes one with the actual action I am performing. This is flow.
Practice acceptance. When you experience pain like the yipping dog next door who won’t quit (personal example!), or the grief of a break-up or the anxiety of your first day a new job we often let these moments distract us from the enjoyment of our lives. When we experience pain, often our first response is to avoid it, to try to resist the thoughts, feelings, sensations we are uncomfortable with. But if there is no way to solve the problem and stop the pain (and often there isn’t ) then the solution is to move into acceptance of the uncomfortable/painful thoughts, feelings and sensations. This is where we just allow the emotion/the sensation to be there. We don't try to change the experience or judge it or cling to it or push it away. Trying to change something that cannot be changed will only frustrate you more and take more energy from you. Acceptance gives us relief from this extra suffering.
Living a mindful life takes effort and practice and it takes intention. And….it is so worth it! Lets try it here:
As you read these words right here and now, as your eyes pick apart the black shapes appearing in patterns on this grey-green background, and as you feel the chair under you supporting you or the ground beneath your feet anchoring you through gravity, become aware of your breath. Focus on your next breath, the inhale and how your stomach and chest rise and the warmth through your nostrils as your breath exhales. If you’re aware of those feelings/sensations right now, you’re living in the moment!
“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” -Jon Kabat Zinn