BikePacking the spearfish 280

The Spearfish 280

Day 1 Thursday

Muira drives me to the start 45 minutes away in Spearfish. It’s been raining since we left Rapid. It rains the entire drive except for a mile out of Spearfish it stops. I’m so relieved. I take off a little after 6am and start heading up Tinton road to hit Tinton Trail. As I climb in elevation, it starts raining. Of course. This leaves me struggling up Tinton, Twin Bridges and a bunch more single track in the slick mud, wet gear, wet shoes and socks. Interesting start! Which makes mindset sooooo important because it would be so easy to just stop. At this point I really have to practice the thoughts I have used on other journeys like this. Things like, “Your already wet and muddy so why not just keep going because eventually the sun will appear again and everything will dry out and you’ll forget about all this anyway.” And that’s really truth. Things are hard and uncomfortable but they ALWAYS change. Reminding ourselves of this sure makes the struggle part a lot less “struggle”.

I get a little lost around the Big Hill area which frustrates me because I feel like I should know these trails. It continues to rain. I get back on course and eventually reach Iron Creek Lake where it’s pouring. Ugh.

Eventually I’m heading up Little Spearfish trail single track. My stomach has been cramping on the right side and intensifies here. I have to stop a lot and try to breathe and stretch…super painful! Thinking it’s high fat food I fueled with? I have no gallbladder…so maybe??!! I make a note for next time to try to fuel just with lean protein and carbs. This has not been the best start day I’ve ever had, that’s for sure! But stop thinking about that…it’s not helpful! Just keep moving.

I summit in the mist but no rain!

I hit lovely Limestone Road after all the single track this morning and ride through Eagle Cliff Cross Country Ski trails which look so different without snow. I cross Hwy 85 and head up a rocky draw pushing my bike and crossing logs.

I finally reach Long Draw Road and some 2 tracks that take me to the Mickelson trail for a sec and back along two-tracks for a while until I hit Castle Peak Road which is one of my favorites!!

Castle Peak Road is a descent (at least in the direction I was going!) the whole way along a beautiful creek. It goes on and on forever.  I eventually pop out right before Mystic. Here I have to make a decision: Where to camp. This is the most anxiety-producing part for me. Camping on my own. It’s hard with a ride/race like this as I don’t know how long I’ll ride that day and where I’ll end up so I can’t really plan for a perfect, safe-feeling camp spot. There is also no cell service (cell service is super rare on this route!) and this makes camping solo feel more daunting. I decide I’ll ride for another hour before the sun sets and just take my chances.

I end up in the PERFECT place…. along single track where no one can be unless your hiking or biking or on a horse. So no drunk people on ATVs or 4 wheel-drives partying out in the woods (this is my biggest fear while camping alone).

I set up my tent in a hidden spot well off the trail as the sun is going down and all seems well. But then a herd of about 30 cows comes over the ridge and they are curious! Who knew cows were curious??!! They slowly start coming over to MY (haha) space! I yell and wave my hands but it doesn’t intimidate them at all. Eventually I decide to live with them but I also decide I can’t sleep in the spot I picked….too slanted. So I un-stake my tent and pick it up to move it. As I do this the herd of cows get spooked and trample away. Perfect! I move my tent to a flatter piece of ground, the curious cows are gone and I can sleep.

But I can’t sleep. I’m still a little scared, amped up, going through the list of logistics I need to get done quickly in the morning (like filter all my water at the creek below me as I’m not sure when the next water source will come after this)….

Last time I look at the clock it’s 11:20pm. I drift in and out of sleep throughout the night. When I am awake there is such beautiful silence enveloping me. Like silence I’ve never known. I try to really drink it in. Deep silence is so rare these days.

Day 2 Friday

I check the clock and it’s 4:00am. Yay! I can get up and get going. It takes me about an hour to pick up camp (I was working to whittle down this time but I always ended up at about an hour although the final morning I was able to be packed up and on the trail in about 50 minutes so I did improve!)

I head down to the creek and find a spot to filter all my water. This takes some time but I love the feeling of safety I have with all my water bottles filled. One of my greatest fears is running out of water. (I eventually end up having to really face this fear head-on. But that comes later.) I also love the process of “getting water” for my survival. It makes me appreciate water that comes out of my tap at home that I would typically never think twice about. An experience like this makes me appreciative of so many small things in life…and that appreciation makes life richer and more satisfying.

After about 13 hours on my bike yesterday of mostly single track I am very excited for this morning’s ride: about 40 miles of gravel-only roads. This will take me to the town of Custer and my first re-supply. I also really need to clean my bike as it’s skipping gears and making lots of noises due to all the caked on mud from yesterday.

I head out and after a few miles I’m on the Mickelson where I run across another bikepack-er from Canada. He’s riding the Mickelson from Deadwood to Edgemont. This is always such a fun part of bikepacking for me…meeting other people along the way. Everyone is always so interested in each other’s stories and experiences. It’s such an immediate connection with other humans! I love it! We chat for a minute as he pumps water quick-and-easy-like from the pump at the trailhead. I roll my eyes to myself as I could have saved so much time and just got water here. Oh well. It’s the filtering experience that counts, right?!

I make it to Custer and do all the things I need to do to leave town with a better running bike and enough food to last me to the next re-supply. I’m actually excited for this next part because the route takes me through a spot I’ve hiked to quite a few times and connects this spot to one of the trails I love….the Paha Sapa. I didn’t realize this could be done so looking forward to seeing HOW.

The HOW is tough…through marshy, wet lands and reeds up to my stomach. I end up hike-a-biking a fair amount which leads to very wet feet. Eventually I end up on the Paha Sapa and immediately have to navigate a huge tree across the trail. It’s at the worst height….just a little too far off the ground that I can’t lift my heavy bike up and over it. It’s also in a place where you can’t go around….on one side is a steep ravine and on the other is a very steep hill side. So I get creative and under I will have to go dragging my bike with me!

The day is really heating up and after finishing the Paha Sapa and more  two-track I’m happy to eventually arrive at Legion Lake Campground Store. I check out the drink cooler and for the first time since I was a teenager I want a Coke. It looks like the most magnificent drink in the world!!! I chug it down and find out 15 minutes later that Coke is my superpower!!!

Leaving Legion Lake I head to where my tracker points me onto Centennial Trail. This single track is ascending up but smooth and lovely. I travel for a bit and look down at my Garmin…wait a sec…I’m not on the right track! I missed something! I turn around and get back to what is for-sure the start of Centennial but after a few minutes of computing I figure out I missed the small veer to the left in order to be on “proper” Centennial. I initially was on some nice-ly groomed single track that was maybe made for the campground visitors to enjoy (because they definitely would NOT enjoy this section of Centennial trail!) It is full of baby-heads, goes straight up a very long, steep hill and has limited shade. But I make it to the top because Coke is my superpower.

I ride a lot of Centennial. This is old-school single track. Rough, tech-y, difficult and beautiful. There is a section that gets you really high-up with unobstructed views of the beautiful rock formations only the Black Hills can offer. I take it in.

Next up for single track is Iron Creek Trail and then the climb up Iron Mountain Road. Its getting into the late afternoon/early evening and I’m getting tired. The climb is pretty tough and I’m in granny-gear almost the whole time. It takes a while. My butt is definitely hurting and I’m ready to hit Keystone for a short break and re-supply. I really want to make it past Keystone before stopping for the night.

I manage the crazy climb and find my energy again on the descent through the Pig Tails (named after the curly-cue-shaped road). I hit Keystone and the VERY limited grocery store which bums me out because I’ve been told the 36 miles between Keystone and Piedmont (next resupply) is a big push. I gather what I possibly can….a pack of fig newtons, a couple Clif bars, some skittles but there are no bananas (which I really wanted). No “real food” of any kind which is helpful to eat along the way if you can. I head out with a heavier bike filled up with water and food.

At this point it’s getting late but I want to ride until 8pm. This gives me an hour of light to set up camp. I keep moving but I’m also feeling a little nauseous. It’s been a warm day and I’ve really pushed my body. I’m finding it really hard to eat (which is so important to keep the body going on a trek like this). I have a few moments of trying to chew up some food but can’t get it down and spit it out. I finally figure out if I get little bites of fig newtons into my mouth, I can swallow it down with water (like taking a pill or vitamin). I make myself do this because I know if I don’t, this ride will come to an end tomorrow. I’m starting to get a little nervous as I’m not sure if I’m feeling something serious or if this is just normal. Am I having heat exhaustion or am I just tired? I decide to stop and sleep on it. I’ll see how I feel after that. I’ve learned to never make decisions when you’re going up-hill or after a long day. Make decisions on the down-hill or in the morning after you’ve rested or slept.

Luke shows up on his off-road motorcycle to camp with me which is just the best!! I see him and literally start to feel better. There are rules to a self-supported bike race like this so we have separate tents, he can’t share any food or water with me, he can’t help me with anything…like setting up my tent, filtering my water, etc. But it’s everything just to have him there. I sleep better.

Day 3 Sunday

THIS IS THE MOST BRUTAL DAY!!!! I am soooooo glad I had no idea what this day was going to be like when I woke up or I would have never left camp. This day is filled with really hard single track and very, very hot weather.  My start is on the trails in the Victoria Lake Area, then Centennial through Brush Creek area, connecting to some trails that spit me out behind Hisega. I gather water at the creek at Hisega because the the lodge is closed as will be the Mexican restaurant that I will go by on Hwy 44 because it’s only 9am. It’s already so hot so I saturate the buff that I wear under my helmet as well as my sports bra and put everything back on wet. This little trick helps a lot over the next couple of days to just give a tiny bit of relief from the pounding sun.

Next up is the single track climb up Sun Up, some Bone Collector and down Petty Theft to hit Nemo Road. I take a break in the shade before the crazy climb up what appears to be the hottest black top and steepest climb with no shade that I’ve ever seen. I’m in granny gear the entire way but again, I eventually get to the top and get the reward of the air-conditioned long down-hill that I so needed. I gather water at the creek at the bottom of the hill (later this proves to be one of the most important decisions I make!) and set out for more single track on Finding Nemo that then connects me onto one of the hottest, longest, most up-hill for miles and miles and miles of single-track that I’ve ever been on in my entire life (at least it feels this way at the time). This is the scariest time for me and thank God I filled all my waters when I did as I’m running low. It’s so incredibly hot and this route has limited shade and there is limited breeze. I have to be really “on it” about drinking. I know pushing a body in heat like this can bring bad things on quickly. I run through the list of symptoms of heat exhaustion and heat stroke in my head. I’m still peeing (albeit not much), no headache, a little nauseous but keeping food down, drinking a lot and often. And I had electrolytes with me…so good there! I just want to get to Piedmont!!! Why haven’t I got there yet??!!! I really need to get there. I need to cool off, I need to rest, I need some shade.

Time seems to slow and I remind myself I can always call for help. I can get rescued if I really need it. But I’m not in that place yet. I’m simply just miserable. I check the heat stroke symptom list again. I’m okay. I keep going.

And, of course, I eventually make it to Piedmont (on a Sunday where the burger and fries I was dreaming about at the Slash J Bar is unavailable because they are closed on Sundays. Eye roll). I ride my bike a mile off course along the highway against the wind that reminds me of a huge blow dryer blowing hot air at me to get to the gas station.

I unpack garbage to throw away, get a Gatorade and sit in the AC for a while. I told myself I would hang out for an hour or two to make sure I was feeling okay before riding more. I check the list I made before leaving on this adventure telling me how many calories to leave every resupply with. I need at least “1500 calories and a meal” for my next push until the next resupply. No burger and fries but they have Papa Johns pizza here. I order one with no cheese and extra meat and veggies. There is something about a warm meal that feels more nourishing and energy producing than all the bars and such you end up eating along the way.

I go back outside to pack things and there’s an extended family hanging out around my bike who want to chat. The kids think my bike looks “so funny” and want to know all about it. I show them where I pack all my gear for camping and surviving. The little girl thinks maybe she’d like to try this some day. The adults aren’t so sure it’s wise for me to be riding alone. They all wish me well and give lots of encouragement. I really enjoy this type of human interaction. It’s all support and love and curiosity. It reminds me to try to be this way with everyone I encounter daily…to give this sort of positive attention and curiosity to everyone around me. It reminds me most people in this world are good.

It’s been my allotted time to see how I’m feeling and I decide I’m not feeling amazing but I’m good enough to go for a bit. I definitely do not want to camp around Piedmont area so I need to get going to find a place that feels safer to me. I take off for Little Elk Creek trail and then on to Dalton Lake and back on to Centennial trail. This has been a really, really hard day. The heat, all the single-track and basically the realization I gathered a lot less miles than I anticipated.

But my camping spot this night is probably one of the biggest rewards of the trip. It’s a spot I know well and so I feel very comfortable and pretty safe. I’ve actually imagined camping in this exact spot many times. This is another God moment (there were many!) because I end up at this exact spot at about 7:45pm. Right when I had planned to stop riding for the day. The spot is down off the trail and well-hidden. No one would ever guess I’m there. It’s in a notch high up between two canyons with incredible views. I can’t believe I’m here. I set up as the sun sets over the canyon wall. I eat my dinner with a sigh of relief and also awe at the beautiful setting around me. Sometimes it’s hard to believe a place like this is real because it’s so picture-perfect. I am so grateful in this moment.

Day 4 Monday

I really want to finish today and if my calculations are correct I have about 60-70 miles to go?? But yesterday I only covered about 45ish?? If today’s route is terrain like yesterday I won’t make it.  And I’m feeling more than little sore and tired this morning. It’s going to be another very hot day. Not sure if I’ll be able to make it happen.

I’m low on water but that’s okay because I can filter at Elk Creek which I should hit within an hour. I pour the last of my water from a stored water bladder into a water bottle for easy access. I now have one full water bottle and about 5 ounces in my other one.

However, after pouring the last of my water into my one water bottle I did not immediately put the lid on. For some reason I turn to grab something and my bike falls heavy and hard on it’s side. Splashing out all the water (and breaking off my right break handle but I don’t notice this for a bit). But it’s all okay because I can survive on 5oz until Elk Creek. I know there is no water after Elk Creek for far too long so without Elk Creek I would need to call it or call someone to bring me water which would disqualify me. But I would do this as I’m already a bit dehydrated and it would be dumb to keep going without water. But it’s okay because Elk Creek can’t be too far away!

I hoof my packed bike back up to the trail and this is where I realize my break lever is broken off. But….lucky for me there is just enough of it left that I can still use it with one finger! Yay! I start down the very narrow and tech-y trail as the morning just starts to glow pink. I can tell I’m tired so I remind myself to stay vigilant as often this is where accidents happen. About 30 seconds after this my pedal hits a hidden stump (it’s not very light out yet and I’m in a lot of vegetation and canopy) and sends me over the bike and down the ravine a few feet with my bike on top of me. I hit the side of my right calf pretty hard but I thankfully have some muscle there and so all is well. It takes me a bit to get the heavy bike off me due to gravity and our angle on the edge of the ravine. But eventually our tangled mess is sorted out and I’m back on the trail.

I’m almost to Elk Creek! I’ve drank all my water and I’m feeling thirsty and can’t wait to drink up and hydrate. I arrive at Elk Creek. It’s bone dry. Not even a puddle. My anxiety immediately goes off. F*&%!!! I’ve never seen Elk Creek totally dry. Ever. WTF. Well, time to message Luke. I know there is a road I can make it to where he can meet me. It won’t be a good time and I’ll be super thirsty and miserable and dehydrated but I can make it. Now I need to make the decision if he meets me with water do I keep going to just finish this even though I’ll be disqualified for the “race”? The answer is of course I’ll keep going. This was never about “the race” for me. This was about finishing an amazing bikepacking route through the Hills and seeing if I can do something like this! So yes, I’ll keep going to see if I can finish.

I text Luke through my satellite messenger (never any service out here!) and tell him I might need him but I’ll give him a final decision in a few minutes. I wanted to think about the map and make absolutely sure I wasn’t missing any other possible water source near me that I could get to and then get back to the course without help from him.

As I’m going through the terrain in my mind I keep walking/riding my bike. This trail winds across Elk Creek 5 times and I cross it for the second time. Bone dry. At a few points my heart rate goes up and adrenaline pumps through my body as I do start to panic a little as I’m just really, really thirsty NOW and this is my biggest fear (running out of water) and can I even make it to the spot to meet Luke??!!! Yes, yes you can. You’ll not feel great but you will survive. Relax. But I’m not going to lie, it is disappointing thinking I’ve come all this way and might have to forfeit. I cross the dry creek for the third time.

Where else could I get water? I have racked my brain and come up with no where close enough. I cross Elk Creek for the 4th time. Why did you have to be dry???

I decide I’ll text Luke for rescue after I push past the 5th and final crossing coming up. I come around the corner and have the greatest experience of thankfulness (I had been praying a lot!) and wonder and happiness!!!! There is water flowing here!!!! I literally scream “thank you” out loud over and over and over. I run around giddy and excited like a little kid! In one instant my world has changed 180 degrees. I grab my filter and drink until I can’t drink anymore. There is something about quenching thirst. It is one of the best feelings. I will never, ever forget this moment because it was so gratifying, so special, such a prayer answered and such a reminder that life can change in any instant. Yep there are really, really hard times and yep, there are also really, really amazing times. It’s always both.

With renewed energy and vigor and ALL water bottles filled I start the tough ascent side of the canyon still on Centennial and looking for Deadman’s (another single track). After a couple more hours of riding I pop out on black top and get a lovely, cooling ride down hill before connecting to Galena road. This proves to be a tough pull. 10-12 miles towards Hwy 385 on dirt/gravel of steady climbing, not a lot of shade and the sun shining hard on my back. I know at 385 I have a resupply spot where I can cool off a bit, get my clothes wet (this seems to make the heat a little more tolerable), get some Gatorade and I actually need to charge my tech as my extra power pack wasn’t working last night.

Eventually I arrive but after a few minutes in the A/C I start feeling a bit nauseous. I make myself eat as I know this is necessary and try to drink a coke (come on superpower!!) I stay for a bit to get my navigation and phone charged up. It’s hard mentally to make myself leave this space of creature comforts but I’m getting close and really want to finish. The nausea comes more in waves. I check my heat stroke symptoms list again. I’m miserable but I really don’t think I’m danger. Time to go.

The next section is ATV track and a HUGE climb. Its a severely rutted, rocky 2 track dodging some ATVs and trying not to suck too much dust into my very used lungs.  It’s super sun-exposed, hot, a total hike-a-bike and takes me forever. I have to stop and rest for a count of 10 a fair amount. I covet shade like I’ve never coveted it before. Please let this climb be over.

Eventually it ends (as they all do) and the lovely, cool descent comes (which they always do). And then more climbing. And then more descending. I repeat this for a while.

And then all of the sudden I arrive on Railroad Grade Road. I now know where I am. I’m actually close to the Mickelson which means I’m close to Hannah Road which means I’m pretty close to Cheyenne Crossing. From Cheyenne Crossing I’m 20 miles to the finish. 20 miles is still a lot but its down Spearfish Canyon on black top that runs at a descending grade. If I make it there, I will definitely make it to the finish line!

All the sudden, with this knowledge I don’t feel hot or tired! I feel like its day one with all kinds of energy! It’s so amazing to me that how what we think literally creates how we feel.

I travel for more miles and eventually end up at Cheyenne Crossing. I empty all my water (finally will get some weight off the bike!) I keep one large water bottle filled for the 90 minutes this will probably take me. I call Muira to ask her to leave Rapid to come pick me up when she gets off work and I turn towards home.

Here’s the ending and it includes some of the best parts on my journey: Beautiful Spearfish Canyon has a very special place in my heart so descending down it brings lots of nostalgia and love in my heart. I take this in. I have time to recognize that this is the hardest physical accomplishment I’ve ever experienced in my entire life and I’m doing it at 50 years old. I take this in. I turn to ride along the Spearfish bike path towards the end of the course. As I approach the end I hear a couple of hoots and hollars and there is JT, the creator of this spectacular course and Perry, local bikepacking legend to share in my accomplishment. I cry. Someone else in this little party tears up too (I won’t say who.) I take this in. Muira shows up to bring me back to Rapid City and as a surprise to me has brought along the love of my life. They hug me (well not Muira because I “smell really bad!!”) I take it all in. The end.

8 over 7 Bikepacking Adventure

8 over 7 North to South

Idea: to complete the 8 over 7 Course (summit all 8 peaks in the Black Hills over 7000 feet) and to do it by bike in a solo, self-supported style.

Morning of Day 1:

Wake up at 4:00, wake up Muira at 4:45. On the road for a little over an hour to the summit of Terry Peak (Peak #1 of 8). Feeling very nervous and excited.

Muira waits as I climb to the top of the tower and take a video. Back down the stairs to her and my car and my heavily packed bike and the beginning of an adventure.

Then a magical moment: Muira gets out of the car to take a photo of me and my bike and then asks, “Why do you do things like this?!!” And I get to answer her and hope she really, really hears me…or, at least some day she will remember what I say. I tell her, “Because attempting anything difficult, no matter the outcome, creates a sense of confidence, of joy, and meaning. Even if the thing isn’t accomplished its the effort and the trying that make you really KNOW you can do anything in life…and that feeling and sense of yourself creates a life worth living.” She probably rolled her eyes… I don’t know…haha…but that’s okay. I believe as her model in this life, she will eventually do her own difficult things that bring her joy.

For those of you who like the deets on all this bike packing stuff….

I am riding a hard tail with 29 x 2.2 tires and drop bars. A bike made for bike packing.

I’ve converted my bike with attachments so I can now take along:

-140 oz of water at one time although my water filter was still packed “just in case”.

-I also over-pack my food as it gives me comfort :-).

Also…

-one-person ultra light tent with no ground cloth

-small sleeping pad

-kid’s sized sleeping bag (I’m small and a kid’s size sleeping bag means less weight!)

-gun

-puffer jacket, a rain coat and pants, a light weight, long sleeve merino wool shirt and thermal underwear, a pair of light weight shorts, a thin neck gator, riding gloves, helmet, sunglasses

-TP, wet wipes, small baggies

-lightweight cup and spoon

-bike light, Garmin Edge 830, phone, extra charger and cord

-photo copied maps

-patch kit, other bike tools, extra zip ties, small amounts of duct tape

-a few hand/feet hot packs

-small knife

After cruising down beautiful highway 85 I take my first turn onto a road I wasn’t expecting. A very “off-road” road. I had assumed this would be a gravel road when I looked at the map. I made the decision to do this route super last minute so didn’t have a lot of time to plan or look at the route that I had uploaded from a friend so I kind of went into things blind….which is good and bad. Bad because I was not prepared for the type of riding I was about to do…good because I didn’t know the type of riding I was about to do! Ha ha!

After wrestling to get the gate open and then shut behind me, I am off again and bumping over rocking, grassy, muddy terrain. Then, another gate. This one is very difficult to open but I win eventually. Onward. To another gate. Eye roll. But this one is closed. Really closed. In fact maybe I’m not supposed to be on this road but this is where my Garmin was taking me and I really, really don’t want to back track all that stuff I just rode. Right or wrong, decision made. My bike is too heavy for me to lift it over the barb wire so I spend about 20 minutes canvasing the fence to see if I can get through. Eventually I am able to find a spot where I can lift up the bottom barb wire to pull my bike under it. I am now in waist deep grasses and soaking wet. Luckily I have my rain pants on already but my shoes and socks and feet are drenched. This is hour 2. Feeling a bit down. Onward with wet feet.

Right before I arrive at Crook’s Tower (Peak #2 of 8) I am met with a heard of Elk rising out of a misty morning meadow, crossing directly in front of me. I stop and reach for my camera. They startle and run up the hill. The word I use to describe elk is majestic. They are majestic creatures. If you haven’t seen one, I hope you have the opportunity at some point. Feeling awe.

Back riding towards Crook’s Tower. This one is easy to find as the love of my life proposed to me on this spot almost exactly a year ago. I linger a little longer here at the summit to relive that memory and lovely feelings. But only for a moment and it’s time to get going again. Feeling loved.

Next up is Crow’s Nest Peak (Peak #3 of 8). I heard this one is difficult to find. After traveling for a time, I take a left hand turn and assume the peak on my right is Crow’s Nest. Side note: my assumption of peaks and that they are what I’m looking for will prove to be a time-taking, extra-hiking, losing-energy fiasco although this assuming does allow me to summit a few extra peaks/hills along the way that I probably would never, ever had experienced. So there’s that.

Crow’s Nest is actually further down the road. I park my bike. My Garmin Edge says nothing about getting to the top so I go off the little research I did and what others who have been there have written: “It’s covered in down fall.” “No trail.” “Not fun.” “You can’t even see anything at the top. You’re just in the middle of a forest.” “If you can find a fence line, you can follow that to the top where the marker is.” I take my phone out of airplane mode (always need to save as much battery as possible!) and realize I have service! Yes! I load the peak into google maps and now can start walking towards the red point. I head in that direction while navigating through a tangled mess of downed trees, branches, bushes. I am actually videoing this because it’s so bad and I want to give Luke proof of my reality when I look up from my camera and….THERE’S A FENCE!!!! YES!!! I bushwack my way up and along the fence line while simultaneously trying to get my blue dot to overtake the red point on google maps. Eventually I arrive. There is a marker but otherwise this peak is non-descript. You really are just standing in the middle of the forest.

As I start to descend I check the weather (I have service, remember?!) and riding through these hills you can never really tell what’s on the horizon. Plus, I didn’t check the weather for today because obviously it’s going to rain (seems like it’s been raining every single day this spring/summer) and I didn’t want to see that and psyche myself out. It’s just better for my mind if I don’t know. But I sense something is coming so I look. Radar indicates severe thunderstorms and lots and lots of rain in about 2 hours. This gives me 2 hours to get to The Deerfield Lake store (my re-supply for water). Okay. Good. Feeling relieved.

Two minutes pass and now it’s raining. Feeling less relieved. It’s a few drops here and there at first but now on the descent the rain is really getting going. I get back down to the muddy two-track, pass through a gate and I’m on my way to Deerfield lake in pouring rain. It does not stop and the thunder and lightning start up. In my tired mind, it seems like the lightening part of the storm is trying to chase me down. This makes me feel like I have to keep pushing hard on my bike to stay safe. And this is a problem because I’m not paying attention to my garmin, just my efficiency of my pedal strokes. And I am now about 5-6 miles south of where I need to be in order to hook up with Deerfield Road… in pouring rain, soaked shoes and feet (I took my socks off hours ago to try to dry them on the front of my bike as I ride…yeah, right!) and my rain jacket is not doing what it’s supposed to do. This is when going solo can really be a problem. Navigation is huge and without another brain to help with it, it can really break down. And I’m starting to get really cold. Feeling afraid and defeated.

I regroup myself (because what else are you going to do out here!) using my Avenza app (if you get out in the woods a bit, I highly recommend this app!! This app has saved me so many times on adventures like this!!) These are maps you pre-download and then anywhere you are, whether you have service or not!, you can see exactly where you are on the map. So using this, I backtrack to where I was supposed to make a turn. Okay. Just pretend you didn’t go 10 miles out of your way. Don’t think about it. Just move and keep moving. Just move.

So I move. And the rain starts coming down in literal sheets. I can barely see and I am now freezing. It’s hard for me to use my brakes because my hands are numb not to mention my soaking wet feet with no socks. And this is where the defeat takes over. Just get to the store and you can call and get picked up. Think of what a hot shower will feel like when you get home. Think about all the comfort. You can suffer for a little longer but then it can all go away shortly. You’ll call Muira and have her come get you. It’s okay. You tried and that’s all you set out to do. Decision made. Feeling disappointed.

I make it to the store and a miracle takes place. The owners turn on the pellet stove in the corner of restaurant seating area for me and encourage me to huddle up next to it and try to dry my things. They give me a huge hot chocolate and tell me I can stay for as many hours as I need. This is the best part of these trips…the kindness of others. It amazes me and gives me the gift of going through this world knowing there is more kindness than awfulness out there. I order a burger and fries, take off my wet gear and put in a call to Luke. He reads the radar for me and tells me it appears it will clear up around 5:00pm. It is now 2:00. Decision made. I settle in. My body slowly starts to warm. Feeling optimistic.

At about 4:30 the weather begins to break. I immediately gather my things and fill up my water bottles. My things are not totally dry (definitely not my shoes and socks!) but the sun is starting to peek around the clouds and I feel hopeful. I start heading in the direction of Green Mountain (Peak #4 of 8).

I travel now by sun rays….YES! It’s a whole new world to me in this moment. I am optimistic and ecstatic and I am peddling away! If I can make it to Green Mountain yet tonight, I will have done 1/2 of the peaks in one day and only 4 more tomorrow. To my utter surprise I might be able to wrap this up in 2 days if I want to push it a little. I think I want to.

I arrive at the intersection of Williams Draw and 1B. My garmin says to head down 1B to the top of Green Mountain so I begin to descend the rutted, muddy, slippery, baby-head-filled two track. And then the road starts to climb. I’m thinking: This sucks so bad. This can’t be right, can it? I’m so tired of pushing my bike! My feet are so wet. I wonder if something bad can happen to your feet if they stay wet all day. I bet they look like crazy prunes. Better stop and make sure you’re in the right place.

Now remember, I am exhausted. It is now about 5:30pm. It’s been a long day. My brain is not functioning correctly. Your brain just can’t if you’ve spent a day physically pushing your body. So I’m foggy. I pull out Avenza maps and check my location. Ugh! I’m totally off! I need to go back to where I was and Green Mountain was right at the beginning of the intersection. I also had notes that I had taken about summiting green Mountain. The way I just read them also indicates Green Mountain is back where I was. Alright. Fine.

I hike my bike all the way back to the intersection. I now decide I better set up camp for the night. It’s getting late and I’m exhausted. I take a bit to find a spot I believe no one will see me but that’s not too far off the road. Here’s where I start praying to God (actually, I had prayed many times before on this adventure and will continue to throughout!) that my sleeping bag isn’t wet…because that’s going to be a problem I’m not sure how to solve. Prayers answered! I get everything set up and decide to grab my water and a bar and quickly hike to the top of Green Mountain before the day is done.

Although there was no service at camp, there is at the top of this Green Mountain. I call Luke and let him know where I’m at and that I made it to the top of 4 of the peaks today. As I’m talking to him and looking around from my vista, I notice that there is a much higher peak off to the east a bit. F*&%! I quickly hang up and re-read my notes. I also load Green Mountain on Google Maps. F*&% me. I really need to get to this summit yet today as I know I won’t have it in me to do it tomorrow plus everything else I want to do. Remember things feel very emotional and real to me right now. I’m exhausted and not the sharpest knife in the drawer at this moment. Obviously I know this is not the end of the world ….but I really wanted that summit today. Feeling exasperated.

So back down to camp from whatever peak I am currently on. I grab more water and food and start to descend down the two track (again!). I get to the bottom of the draw and start the uphill part. It’s here that I get confused again. I can’t see anything down here so it appears Green Mountain is over there to the left. I get off the road and head in the direction of what I think is Green Mountain. I’m hurrying because I really do not want to be out here, away from camp when it gets dark. I ascend a hill/small peak. Again, this is not Green Mountain. But I can see from up here. Back to the two-track. I reread my notes…a part I missed before…it’s 2.2 miles one way to the top. Hmmm…okay. That seems like a lot to get done before the sun sets. But if I push my pace, I could make it. I look at Avenza maps and now it makes sense (I had looked at it upside down last time). I can now watch my blue dot get closer and closer to the point of the summit on the map. Feeling invigorated.

I climb and climb and finally reach a point where the road ends. Ahead of me is a field full of downfall, ground bushes, and probably snakes. Avenza tells me I need to start heading up through this mess to get to the actual peak. The sun is dipping lower and lower. I go through the downfall as quickly as I can being cognizant of snakes as well as not spraining an ankle. A skunk crosses my path about 10 feet in front of me. He thankfully carries on sans spray. I’m going as quickly as I can while sometimes looking behind me to make sure I know how to get back. Eventually I give up even trying. It all looks the same. Moving forward I hit a different 2 track. I take this to the absolutely astounding summit of Green Mountain. So worth it. Feeling awe.

But the sun is setting and I have to find my road to get back to camp. Avenza again. I can see the road on the map that I need to get to so I just start heading in that direction. It’s here that I start to panic a little. Seriously Heather. What are you going to do if you can find the road. You’ll never make it back to camp. You will be out of food and water. No one knows you came up here. Wait. Service up here so a quick text to Luke as to my time and location. Okay. Now someone will at least know where to look for me. I start praying (yes, as I said, this happens a lot!). Please help me to find the road. Please, God. And this gives me a bit more peace. I continue to concentrate on my map and direction it says I’m moving in in relation to the road. It’s frustrating but I know if I keep at it, I’ll find it. The sun sinks lower. And then, as I come over the hill, there it is…the road!!! Feeling elated and thankful.

I truck down the road as quickly as I dare to go with my wet feet and shoes and all the mud and rock. The sun has just set (so still some late evening light). I arrive at my camp-home. Feeling relieved. But now, the scariest part of this journey is about to happen. I have to sleep out in the woods by myself. This is my second time doing this alone. I succeeded my first time but it wasn’t an easy night. And this one proved to be similar. At first, I couldn’t fall asleep due to being anxious. What if there is a crazy mad-man who saw my tent and is going to torture and kill me? What if there is a really hungry black bear or mountain lion and they smell my food and rip me and my tent to shreds? (yes, these really are my thoughts). I slip in and out of restless sleep until at one moment in the middle of the night I swear I hear footsteps walking on gravel. I am half asleep but I know what I heard. I cock my gun and the steps stop. There is now about 30 minutes of me not moving and trying to hold my breath and strain my ears all at the same time. It’s towards the end of these 30 minutes that I have a few helpful thoughts that bring me some rest. It sounded like footsteps on gravel. I’m in the middle of trees and grass. I now also realize that when I breathe, the reverberation in my sleeping bag makes a sound sort of like foot steps on gravel. Okay. I don’t have time for this. If something is going to happen, it’s going to happen. Go to sleep. Feeling scared but too tired to care.

Day 2: The next morning I break camp as the sun slowly ascends over Green Mountain. It’s breath taking. I reroute myself after the Green Mountain fiasco and take off south on Williams Draw. Thankfully this is just a normal, smooth-ish, one-lane gravel road. I quickly arrive at Odakota Mountain (Peak #5 of 8) and quickly-ish (my quads are sore!) ride to the top and find the summit marker. Yes! That was faster than I predicted. Feeling capable. Now on to Bear Mountain.

My notes say Bear Mountain (Peak #6 of 8) is a Bear! Ha! So I know I’m in for some climbing. I rerouted myself again for the approach to the top of Bear Mountain thinking I was choosing wisely going off route of what the original route called for. I just wanted some roads that were not mud for once. Where my bike wasn’t stopping all the time due to mud building up between my tire and frame and then me having to dig it out with a stick. I was over it. So reroute to nicer roads. And they are. For a moment. I descend fast and quickly realize as I keep descending the longer the climb to the summit will be. I try to just enjoy the ride. Eventually it’s time to take a right hand turn and start to climb. This is not a nicer road. This is another muddy, rocky, water running down the tracks, slippery road. And it’s a bear of a climb. See what I did there?

It’s quite terrible. This is pretty much a whole hike-a-bike to the summit on the steepest, muddiest, slickest track while periodically cleaning off the stickiest mud you can imagine that stops my rear tire from turning. And then I take a wrong turn. I go up 1F instead of 1K. I don’t figure it out until I’m over a mile in. F**&! (Usually I swear in my head but this profanity was out loud and loud!) I turn back and get on the correct road. The ascending is so steep and crazy to me. Can I seriously, physically do this?! Feeling doubtful.

This is where a little experience comes in. I have done some difficult things so in these moments of wanting to give up, I’ve really trained my brain over time to think in ways that keep me going. In this instance I remind myself that the “governor” (part of my brain) wants to shut me down but that the governor is often wrong. We know from studies on athletes that that switch that is screaming to stop can be overridden by us and that we have waaaaay more in the tank than our brain fools us into believing. So I choose to think this because it is much more helpful to me in this moment. I also practice thinking things like: Once I’m at the top I will obviously get to go down. And I always feel refreshed again after a descent. I will feel really proud of myself. Maybe the ranger is at the top and I can climb the fire tower if they invite me. Thoughts like this create feelings of strength, courage and power. And those fuel my behavior to put one foot in front of the other and keep pushing the bike up hill. And…not gonna lie.…still feeling very, very eager to get to the top.

I win the battle and make it to the top. The ranger is there and she is interesting and kind. She tells me that because there’s not a huge group of people that I can come up to the top of the tower where she is on fire lookout duty. I get to meet her extra sweet pitbull named Ranger and we have a lovely chat about her life and decision to work this very interesting job. Again, I meet the coolest people on treks like this.

So what gets pretty funny here is that I see the road that I will be taking down the mountain. And it’s a normal, wide gravel road. I could have taken this road to the top if I had stuck with the original route. Joke’s on me. Feeling a little chagrined but also delighted with the decent I’m about to embark on. Onward to the last 2 peaks!

I have about 15 miles to Custer and I know this area fairly well. I am determined to stay off any more 2 tracks and stick to gravel. I mostly descend down on Limestone Road until it intersects with Upper French Creek which I take to to the highway and travel about a mile east to hit the little town of Custer. Rolling into town I am thinking about how I no longer need to navigate anything. I know the rest of this route: follow Sylvan Lake Road out of Custer (which I may have to walk some as body/legs have some niggling pains and this is a long, big climb), hike to the summit of Sylvan Peak then ride to the bottom of Black Elk Peak and hike to the top. I call Muira and tell her to plan to pick me up around 5:00pm at Sylvan Lake. I’m going to get this done today. Feeling relief.

In town I stop at the picnic tables behind the Tesla charging station (which for some reason makes me happy that this is in little Custer) and I check over my bike. Its been squeaking like crazy and there was a lot of rattling on my descent. Nothing to be done about the squeaking…I’ll deal with that tomorrow. But I find the culprit of the rattling. Loose water bottle cage. I tighten things up and then I eat. I have saved some Patagonia Provisions Mussels and enjoy them now along with crushed up cheese crackers and watermelon that I just bought at the grocery store. The combo makes me so happy!

Side note: My goal for this trip was to stay properly fueled. I have a problem eating enough on these endurance events and my pace and performance and recovery really suffer. You actually don’t have much of an appetite and eating becomes a chore. But I’ve learned to force it because you feel so much better and have so much more energy and can go so much further and faster. Want to know what else I ate? If so, read the next bit. If you’re not interested, skip it :-)

Day 1:

*  I first made sure I had 2 water bottles with @LMNT electrolytes always available and took along extra packets.

*  In the car on the drive to Terry Peak I ate 4 oz of ground beef and 2 oz of shrimp along with a cup of coffee and an RX a.m. bar. Then throughout the day:

• RX bar

• 2 Epic bars

• 1 Bobo’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Bar

• 1 GoMacro Bar

• 1 Wild Raspberry Chia Squeeze

• Burger and fries and a large hot chocolate at Mt. Meadow Store and Campground

• 1 White Chocolate Clif Bar

• Hummus and crackers

• Salami

• 3 mini Hershey’s Chocolates dipped in peanut butter

  Day 2:

• 1/2 a caffeine pill (1 pill is 200 mg)

• 1 packet of Apple Cranberry Umpqua Oats made cold (I never bring a stove) mixed with 1 scoop @physivantage whey protein, creatine and powdered aminos and extra dried cranberries

• 1 RX a.m. bar

• 1 epic bar

• I Bobo’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Bar

• 1 White Chocolate Clif bars

• Mussels mixed with the rest of my crushed crackers

• Watermelon

• Another Clif Bar

• A protein cookie I bought in Custer at the grocery store

• Another epic bar

Back to the adventure. I head up Sylvan Lake Road towards the start of Sylvan Peak (Peak #7 of 8) as threatening clouds start to gather around me. Rain on me. I don’t care. I’m almost done. This is really hard going but the food and the break helps as my legs don’t give out and I am able to stay on the bike. I arrive at the trail head and push my bike up some wide, grassy-green switch backs. I drop my bike and have a glorious moment of taking off my cycling/chamios “shammy” shorts and changing into my pair of light weight shorts. Glorious really is the word that comes to my mind. The only biking left to do is back down to Sylvan Lake and the beginning of Black Elk Peak! My butt is so happy!

I put on my rain pants (it’s hot but the brush is intense on this hike), grab a water bottle, a Clif bar and start the straight up section to Sylvan Peak I’m soooo thankful I have done this hike once before. There’s not really a trail, it’s really steep, there is treacherous downfall and there are 2 false summits so I know to go beyond what appears to be the top. I rush as I really want to finish… I’m tired and I don’t want to be late for Muira. My legs are aching. I’m definitely ready to be done. I keep climbing, navigating, reminding myself to pay attention because my brain is definitely not at it’s best. I keep turning around trying to get a picture of what I need to look for when I head back down. I finally make the summit as a large ominous thunderstorm begins to swirl directly above me. I quickly take a photo and immediately start heading back as the rain begins.

And this where things go very wrong. My brain just sort of stops working. All the sudden I am in a space I do not recognize. There is downed timber everywhere I look and every step requires me to step over or duck under a log. It’s exhausting. I traverse left for a long time. I recognize nothing. I traverse back. Nothing. I try to find the summit again. I can’t. I head back up hill for service. I call Luke. I’m lost. I’m sweating like crazy. I’m tired. I’m out of water and food and I seriously can’t find my way back. I’ve been trying for over an hour. He is calming and says he is headed that way as he was hoping to meet me at Sylvan Lake before I finish on Black Elk Peak. He says to try for the road and he can pick me up (no service down there so just stay on the road…I’ll find you). We hang up and I send him a screen shot of where I currently am at on Avenza so if I pass out out here someone has an idea where to look. I text Muira and tell her to come later than planned. And that’s when I remember (remember my brain is not optimal right now) that on Avenza when you zoom in you can see the direction you are walking. I can see the road on Avenza so I head in that direction as quickly as I can through the downfall everywhere. Remember the game Pick-Up Sticks? This is a giant’s version.

Here’s what I’m thinking: If you make it to the road somehow and he picks you up, you will not have done this solo and unsupported. You will have been supported. Ugh. That’s a hard one for me but if I have to I have to. Remember, you said this is about the effort, not the finale. If you need help you can take it and be okay. I keep plugging along. I see the road….way, way, way down below me. It’s like I’m on the edge of a cliff. Can I descend something this steep? Not smart but I’m not smart right now so I’m going for it.

The struggle is so real to get down. One of the steepest slopes I’ve descended hiking. Constantly trying to keep my ankles and knees safe as I’m cognizant enough to know how tired my body is and that’s when it’s easy to get hurt. To add to the steepness is the incredible overgrowth and underbrush and the real-life and real-big Pick-Up-Sticks. I’m stepping over things, I’m ducking under and through things. I’m scratched and bruised and I rip my rain pants. I remind myself to remind myself to check for ticks later. I see Amanita muscarias everywhere. Do you know this mushroom? They are spectacular! They are bright red with white spots. They remind me of the Smurf’s show I used to watch as a kid. I continue to slowly descend. I remember to pray. And, I’m not exaggerating, within 3 minutes I happen to look to my right, through all the brush and foliage and see bright green peaking through. Remember the wide grassy-green switch backs that I hiked my bike up?! I check for service. I still have it. I call Luke and tell him I’m good and will meet him at Sylvan Lake. Two hours of struggle and I’m back. I’m back. I’m back. I feel centered. I feel safe. Onward.

I get to my wet bike, helmet on and take off for Sylvan Lake Store to get more water, food and meet up with Luke before the very last leg of this adventure. He’s there shortly and sends me off with a quick kiss. I need to head out fast as the rain has abated but the thunder clouds are monstrous and surrounding Black Elk Peak (Peak #8 of 8).

And so, I start to walk. This is the longest hike but the blessing is I don’t have to navigate. This is a well-worn path so if I just keep moving, I can’t screw this up. I have blisters on my feet. I feel them…probably because they were wet all day long yesterday. They’ve worked really hard for me. My whole body has. It makes me feel gratitude. I also know it will need rest after this and I promise my body I will provide that. We have a talk, me and my body. We have an agreement. One more peak and then rest.

I always hope to inspire people (especially women) with my actions and my writing/words to do the things they’ve always wanted to do but feel scared and so don’t do the thing. I am here to tell you that I am always scared but I’ve practiced doing the scary thing anyway and that creates a life that feels joyful, satisfying, and lovely. I hope you try your scary thing.

And that’s how it ends. I get a tourist to take my photo at the top of Black Elk Peak. I descend. Muira pulls into the parking lot at the exact same time I do. She parks, gets out and says, “Good job, mom” and give me a hug. She asks if she can help load my bike. She drives me home and along the way asks me, “So how was it?”

The End

The "HOW-TO" For Living In The Present Moment

Fall is in the air and I am loving it! Cooler mornings and evenings, jeans and cozy sweaters, nature changing to a lovely new palate of deep and rich colors, pumpkin everything…all of it adds up to my personal favorite time of year! Autumn is that wonderful season of opposites that blend perfectly…a sense of harvest, of plenty, of abundance and maturity, and, at the same time a sense of decline and decay. And, with both these seemingly opposite concepts being held in sync together, we experience autumn as a sense of change, of transition. Our surroundings remind us that we are always developing, changing, transitioning and that life is not permanent therefore highlighting the importance of embracing the present.

The concept of “living in the moment” or “being present” is often used as a tool in psychotherapy or mental health therapy. I use it with clients by teaching them “mindfulness” strategies which are designed to keep our minds “in the moment”.  When we live our lives more often “in the moment” we are not living in the past possibly rehearsing painful scenarios or things we think we did wrong and we are not living in the present where we often “what-if” in our thoughts or worry about what may or many not happen. Both scenarios, over-analyzing the past that has already happened or over-worrying about the future that hasn’t happened yet are places where there is no actual control and therefore often leads to anxiety and depressive symptoms.

Does this mean you are never supposed to think about the past or never plan or think about the future? Not at all. Those things can be helpful as we look back and reflect on things already done and how we might use that information to make changes in ourselves and in our lives. And, looking forward helps us set goals and live a more full and meaningful life. But if you notice you tend to ruminate on the past and/or worry about the future, then you might want to consider learning strategies to stay in the present moment more often. Your best life actually hinges on your ability to pay attention to the present.

Here are some tips for practicing living in the moment:

1. Understand and know to your core that you are NOT your thoughts.

For many of us we let our thoughts control us. If I have a thought, it must be true so I feel the feelings the are created by that thought and then I react or behave in response to the feeling. This often leads to a paradox where we engage in many behaviors we really don’t want to be doing! When we learn and realize that our thoughts are just thoughts and that they often are not true or not helpful, and that there is no need to “hook” into them or believe them, we can then start to live in a way that is mindful. We experience that we can just be the observer of our thoughts without judging them or believing them. Being mindful with our thoughts means being with any thoughts we have, not grasping at them or trying to push any thoughts away, not reacting to them. Just letting them be there as we experience the actual moment we are in.

Learning and practicing being the non-judgmental observer or our own thoughts gives us the awareness of the present moment. This is mindfulness and mindfulness has been studied extensively. We know that this practice reduces stress, boosts immune functioning, lowers blood pressure and reduces chronic pain.  It also has been shown to increase our sense of meaning and well-being in our lives. Studies show that mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic and have stronger feelings of self-worth which leads to more confidence and the ability to the live the life they truly want to be living in a very authentic way.

2. Practice mindfulness daily.

Mindfulness practice has also been shown to reduce impulsivity and reactivity. We see reductions in binge eating and attention issues as well as a reduction in depressive and anxious symptoms. People who practice mindfulness also report more satisfying and close relationships.

If you want to try a mindfulness practice I have a few practical ways you can give it a go:

Actively savor. Savoring is about really taking in and enjoying what is here and now. This is relishing in whatever you are doing in the moment. An example would be eating a piece of chocolate. In that moment, put all distractions aside. Use all your senses to take it in…what does it look like, what does it smell like, how does the texture change when it’s in your mouth, how does it taste. Use your senses to ground you in the moment you practice savoring. Savoring is not just about food. Other examples would be sitting outside in the evening watching the sunset or washing the dishes or taking a shower. Use all your senses to experience that very moment.

Breath. Establish a breath protocol for yourself. The one I use is a breath through the nose for a count of 3 and an exhale through the nose for a count of 6. Box-breath is another protocol some people like. Whatever protocol you choose the idea is to stay in the moment with your breath. Even just 3 cycles of your breath protocol multiple times a day gives you a start to a daily mindfulness practice.

Cultivate flow. Flow happens when you are so into a task or an experience that you lose track of time as well as other things around you. This is where you are so deep into an experience that you are completely absorbed and distractions cannot get to you. Flow is tricky in that you can’t “make yourself” go into flow. However, you can set up the environment in a way that may produce it for you. For many people this means setting a goal that is challenging but not impossible. You don’t want the goal to be something you’ll get stressed about but you also don’t want to be bored. Make sure your goal is clearly defined and you always know your next step. I find flow often in rock climbing or riding my bike. I know the goal (to get to the top of the climb) and I know the steps I will be taking to get there (finding the next foothold or handhold). My attention or focus is very narrow in this state. My awareness of what I am doing becomes one with the actual action I am performing. This is flow.

Practice acceptance. When you experience pain like the yipping dog next door who won’t quit (personal example!), or the grief of a break-up or the anxiety of your first day a new job we often let these moments distract us from the enjoyment of our lives. When we experience pain, often our first response is to avoid it, to try to resist the thoughts, feelings, sensations we are uncomfortable with. But if there is no way to solve the problem and stop the pain (and often there isn’t ) then the solution is to move into acceptance of the uncomfortable/painful thoughts, feelings and sensations. This is where we just allow the emotion/the sensation to be there. We don't try to change the experience or judge it or cling to it or push it away. Trying to change something that cannot be changed will only frustrate you more and take more energy from you. Acceptance gives us relief from this extra suffering.

Living a mindful life takes effort and practice and it takes intention. And….it is so worth it! Lets try it here:

As you read these words right here and now, as your eyes pick apart the black shapes appearing in patterns on this grey-green background, and as you feel the chair under you supporting you or the ground beneath your feet anchoring you through gravity, become aware of your breath. Focus on your next breath, the inhale and how your stomach and chest rise and the warmth through your nostrils as your breath exhales. If you’re aware of those feelings/sensations right now, you’re living in the moment!

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” -Jon Kabat Zinn

The Importance of Silence & How To Cultivate It

The idea of silence and solo-ness is one I took head-on this past July. I participated in a solo bikepacking adventure for a few days and took myself out of my comfort zone by camping alone. So the notion of silence and solitude has been on my radar this past month and is something I want to offer as a path to mental and emotional wellness in your own life.

Silence itself is so difficult to experience these days. Most of us live our daily lives with noise all around us. If it isn’t our family members or friends or co-workers talking to us, its the noise that plays in the background on our TVs or our phones or computers. It’s even the constant rumble of the city we live in playing in the back ground.

Is silence and/or solitude even important? Is there a reason to engage in either and/or cultivate these things for ourselves? We have heard over and over how important it is to have social connections for our mental health and wellbeing so how could the opposite of that have any benefits?

1. Self-regulation

We have studies that reveal that engaging in solitude appears to act as a form of self-regulation, meaning it helps us balance the constant back and forth of positive and negative emotional states that we experience as humans. In our day to day lives we are often too busy to pause and actually engage in feeling our feelings. We may have really important issues pop up in our minds like our relationships, our goals in life, our past but we push past these thoughts in order to get on with all the things we need to check off on our to-do list for the day. When we are finally alone (and in silence) we can direct our attention inward and experience memories, emotions, problems that we have been suppressing.

This shift into our inner-world can initially cause some uncomfortable or negative moods in us and is often why people shy away from solitude. But experiencing these uncomfortable emotions prompts self-reflection, which we know is very important for our mental health. We also know that there is a rebound effect that comes into play with solitude. Studies show that although initially moods may be lowered when engaging in solitude, moods become much higher after solitude experiences than any other time (including after being with other people!)

2. Becoming more comfortable in your own skin (confidence)

When we are alone we can make decisions and choices without any outside influences. This helps us develop more insight into who we are as a person. We get to know ourselves better. We start to understand our likes and dislikes, why we behave in certain ways, what our true authentic goals and dreams are for our lives.

It is also during these times our creative nature can pop up. Creativity is such an important aspect to maintain mental health. If we are around other people all the time, it is difficult to engage in our own mind to create. We need solitude and time for creativity to kick in.

Both of these things help us to build a sense of confidence about ourselves, to go back out into the world with a sense of knowing who we are and what our purpose is. Solitude creates authenticity and trust in ourselves.

If you want to try a bit of solitude I have a few practical ways you can implement to find more moments of solitude:

Get up early. This takes practice and time to get into an early morning waking cycle but the pay-off in solitude is well worth it.

Start walking, running or biking outside. Any of these activities produce solitude. Your mind quiets and gives you time to experience new perspectives on your life.

Go for a drive alone.

Enjoy a meal at a lovely restaurant alone. (This one will build lots of self-confidence quickly!)

Go camping alone. You may need to work up to this one (at least I had too!) But the exquisite taste of solitude in nature cannot be replicated by any other means.

Remember that silence completes and intensifies solitude. Once you have implemented some solitude in your life, up the ante of its power by creating silence during these times. Shut off the screens, the phone and just experience silence.

“Silence makes us pilgrims. Silence guards the fire within. Silence teaches us to speak.” -The Desert Fathers

Times of solitude and silence bring us more peace, more authenticity, more feelings of self-worth and a richer life-existence.

Solo Bikepacking Adventure Journal

A Solo Bikepacking Adventure: How Going Solo Will Change Your Life

I set out to get in around 150-200 miles in 3-4 days across the southern Black Hills (as well as to camp at least one night completely on my own…I WAS SO SCARED!!!) My idea was to have a route that included as little pavement as possible (we are bikepacking & not bike-touring, after all!) but enough to keep me recovered and feeling motivated. I wanted enough gravel roads and double track to make it interesting, adventurous, beautiful and to get me to places I hadn’t seen before. And, to include enough single track on the first leg to bring me just to that line of wanting to quit but knowing if I just focused on refining my hike-a-bike skills and feeling like a bad-ass, the rest would be “downhill from there” :-)

I also wanted a route that other women might feel more comfortable bikepacking. I know there are so many of you women and men out there who don’t think twice about adventures like this but I know that for many women in particular, it is very intimidating to do things like this alone (much less doing many things alone). I felt this way for a long time! So this route has lots of bail-out points, ways you can shorten it up and enough possibilities to filter or acquire water. Sometimes just knowing another woman did it can make it feel more accessible. And that’s what I’m hoping. That by sharing the details of this solo adventure and if you’re someone (but particularly a woman) on the fence about doing something like this, you might find some inspiration, some comradery and validation in that it is scary and difficult AND it is not only doable to do something completely solo but can (will) change your life. And yes, it is that dramatic. Solo trips WILL change your life.

A little caveat here: You do not need to go ride your bike on your own for miles and miles to experience the rejuvenating effects of doing things alone, of being in solitude, of being alone in nature (which, by the way, has been shown to help us focus our priorities, gain a greater appreciation for relationships, and improve our overall sense of well-being). You could spend a day completely alone in nature going for a hike or hammocking by a lake-side or maybe it’s staying in a cabin or air b&b somewhere accessible to the outdoors. The benefits of being alone in nature can fit your personal comfort/uncomfortable level!

Back to bikepacking: Just a heads up that this particular route does require some experience. The route includes a part of the Centennial Trail and the entire Paha Sapa Trail. Both of these trails are old-school single-track. They have lots of rocks, waist-high grasses that hide rocks and roots, small stream crossings and some definite hike-a-bike sections. You would most likely enjoy a full-suspension bike (at least I did!) and you want some advanced mountain biking skills. Mountain biking on primitive trails with a loaded bikepacking bike is a whole other experience than regular mountain biking.

So why solo bikepacking???? Experiencing intense moments of silence in our lives is something we often have to battle to acquire. It comes naturally on a solo trip, especially if you’re in spaces without any phone service. You’re forced to be off the grid (and there are LOTS of those spaces on this route!). I actually bikepack with my phone in airplane mode almost the entire time (saving battery) until I have to check in for safety reasons but it is truly a gift when you are forced off the grid as what happens in so many places within the Black Hills. This is where the magic happens…when you KNOW you are completely on your own. This is the space where the calming of the mind occurs on it’s own and this is the gift I receive every time I head out solo. I am an anxious-by-nature-person who had tons of weighted-thoughts of worry that bombarded me for years and years but (thankfully!) learned how to shift that habit/pattern of thinking most of the time… AND… that habit-pattern of thinking can still can pop up from time to time on a solo bike journey like this. But when you are off the grid, totally alone, there is this beautiful thing that happens, the mind stills. Maybe it’s because I know I can’t get help from anyone and it’s just all on me so I better keep it together or maybe it’s because I feel closer to God and so my mind rests or maybe it’s that when the physical consequences are so large our brain is like, “better not waste energy worrying right now”. It’s probably a combo of all those things. I just know that in those moments, I am finally free.

I mentioned this was my first attempt at solo camping. I’ve done solo bikepacking adventures before but either Luke has met me to camp (his broken-heel-summer!) or I stayed at little motels or rented an air b&b room. I AM (was) SO SCARED TO CAMP ALONE!!!  AND… it is something I really wanted to experience at least once in my life. So this was it. My daughter was going to be gone, Luke had to work and so it was the stars aligning… this was my chance!

I can’t tell you how many times I had to redirect my thoughts about solo camping; “you’re going to die… rattlesnake bite… crazy man in the woods… mountain lion attack!” Anxiety is something I have be healing through for many, many years now but it is my nature…especially when something out of the ordinary is happening…for my thoughts to get to worrying. So practicing allowing the anxious thoughts to be there, focusing on my breath and then talking to myself, “The chances of anything going wrong are one in a million. You really want to do this. Those are just thoughts. They don’t have to mean anything. Think of how it will feel after you do the hard thing.” And these were the ways I played with my thinking in order to keep me feeling willing and empowered to follow through on camping alone as I biked along my route the first day.

I was feeling pretty set that I would attempt to solo camp my first night but as I started out that first day, immediately within the first 15 miles, I missed a turn off of Victoria Lake Road. I was meant to take a “B-road” south to meet up with Sheridan Lake Road where I would cross the road to Dakota point and hook up with the Centennial Trail but instead, I kept going on Victoria Lake Road headed west. I didn’t realize my mistake until I was at Brush Creek and figured out I had missed my turn. So, as any of you know in following a “planned” route, it almost never, ever goes as planned. So I kept heading west to hit HWY 385 where I then headed south, got back on Sheridan Lake Road and back-tracked to Dakota Point to re-join my route. A little disheartening. This is where I found myself having thoughts of “maybe I won’t camp tonight”.  Not a good sign.  After making it through some sections of hike-a-bike and tiptoeing through poison ivy, I made it to some pavement which renewed a sense that I could do this! By this time I had been in the saddle for quite a few hours already but felt OK about at least getting to Sylvan Lake in Custer State Park. I hit some gravel roads that brought me to beautiful, secluded views of Black Elk Peak and eventually accessed the bottom of Sylvan Lake Road and started the grueling climb to the top.

As I ascended, the skies started to shift. I could hear thunder in the distance and as I looked behind me, saw the clouds forcefully and quickly billowing. Hmmmm….will the storm build over to the north or am I going to be screwed? I continued the slow ascent through the granite outcroppings and hairpin turns as the thunder booms grew louder and louder. The storm was coming my way, and quickly. There is no quick climbing for me (especially with a loaded bike). So it was just slow and steady and saying some prayers. As I was nearing the top (to where I could then start to descend to reach Sylvan Lake and the the little general store) there was an incredible BOOM of thunder and an immediate flash of lightning. The hairs on my arms stood at attention. I reminded my self that getting hit by a flash of lighting is like 1 in a million or something like that and pressed on ignoring the fear. By now the sky was black but I was almost to shelter. I pulled into the general store and stuck my bike under the small awning of the building. Within 2 minutes of my arrival, the torrid rains came and then (of course!) came the hail. And it didn’t stop. I had to laugh because there is this joke that I’ve never gone on a bikepacking trip without it raining at least once…and that is the truth! But this was my first time in a hail storm. Obviously I was so thankful to have reached actual shelter instead of squatting under some pine trees waiting this out.

By the time the hail-event happened, I had been riding for about 7 hours. I decided to wait the storm out (usually they pass quickly) and started thinking about how to dry things out. Even though my bike was under an awning, due to the ferocity of the storm, everything was soaked. I have water proof bags but inevitably things get damp. I did have time to grab my emergency trash bag I carry with me and wrap it over the carrier where I keep my sleeping bag hoping to ensure at least my sleeping bag would not get wet. If your sleeping bag gets wet, you will not be getting any sleep and can even risk hypothermia at night. The problem now was that it was freezing cold. I had been sweating and overheating all day but now the temp had dropped dramatically, and I was damp and cold. I started putting on all my layers. I waited and waited. The storm did not pass quickly. After 2 hours of me waiting and biding my time in the somewhat warm general store waiting to be asked to leave, I decided I really needed to start riding to get to a place to camp for the night. I still had to ride the Paha Sapa to get to Forest Service land where I could camp. Wait….was I really still going to camp?? Now I would be camping in completely soaked terrain, setting up in the rain, everything wet, riding through piles of hail on primitive single track which, inevitably was going to be another 3 hours of riding/hike-a-biking. And so here is where the thing that I mentioned before happened: I was off the grid. There is no phone service at Sylvan Lake. None. You're not even sending a text. I really didn’t have an easy out. Even if I wanted to get picked up I was going to have to ride somewhere to get service. F&#@ it. The light is long in July. I have time. I’m getting to camp tonight.

Through the quickly melting piles of hail, a steady rain, and soaking wet socks and shoes I pedaled. And as I moved down the Needle’s Highway to the start of the single track, the skies began to break. Just a little at first but gradually more as I pushed my bike up steep sections of mica-sparkling trail and hoisted my bike over sections of slick tree roots. And, as I navigated a trail covered by waist-high grasses, jumped over a few streams and took in the spectacular granite outcroppings enveloping me, I felt protected in a lovely way. I looked up and saw a patch of blue and it was coming my direction. Yep. I can do this.

The sun started to make an appearance after about 2 hours on the trail. I was thanking God this whole time (if you’re not spiritual before starting something like this I promise you will become so along the way!) I’ll be able to dry everything out AND warm up before trying to make it through the night! Yes! And that’s how I began my first solo camping experience. Not what I had planned, but, as we all know, nothing ever goes as planned. That’s why it’s so important to practice flexible thinking…so in moments like this, you can roll with it, play along and still get to where you want to go.

My “reward” to myself if I made it through a night camping on my own was that I could stay in a room in Hot Springs for the second night of my journey. With this luxury on my mind, I packed up quickly the next morning and set off. I almost immediately realized I forgot to filter extra water at the stream mid-way through the single track section of last evening’s ride. I was so concerned with making it to camp before dark, I completely forgot. This led to a little frantic-feeling as it was super hot already and it was still early in the morning. I had 1/2 water bottle left so figured I would have to make it to Center Lake Campground or Legion Lake Store on just that (not knowing exactly how long it would take me to get to one of those places). I did know that creating any dehydration in myself in temps like this would lead to not being able to recover and my body not wanting to bike the fully planned route. But, just as things don’t go as planned, often things go right and I was pleasantly surprised to find a small stream about a mile from where I was. There I spent about 30 minutes filtering water and feeling like a new woman on a fantastic journey!

The second day of riding was more pavement, gravel and straight forward navigation (thankfully). It was, however, quite hot and very limited shade existed in this section. And I really mean limited. But, I was stocked with water, the tourists were friendly and encouraging as I climbed hills (they would yell things out there car windows like, “You can do it” and “you got this” and the scenery and wildlife was simply astounding.

Side note on tourists: In Custer State Park in the summer there are tons of tourists. Because of this, if I ride my bike there, I try to do it during the week and/or early morning. But, there are some things I just love about tourists: when you bike you get a whole different experience with them. Everyone is moving very slow and taking in all the beauty. Wherever you stop whether to get water or take in a view, you will hear Spanish, Chinese, German being spoken. All these different languages is very much a multicultural coming together in this little place in western South Dakota.  There is something I just adore about that juxtaposition. So, yes, it is busy in the summer but on a bike it just doesn’t feel that busy as it does when you’re in a vehicle. Everything is slowed down. Tourists don’t annoy you and you get to meet people and talk with them as they are always curious as to what you are up to on a bike. I think when you’re on a bike it somehow makes you more accessible and makes people want to engage. It’s fun to have those moments within a solo adventure.

After winding through grasslands, seeing all kinds of wildlife (buffalo, wild burros, prairie dogs, hawks, etc) and navigating some double track gravel through the outskirts of Wind Cave National Park I arrived at Hot Springs by 2:00pm. I had been in the heat and on my bike for about 7 hours. It was time to be done for the day as I felt a bit like I was teetering on some heat exhaustion. I negotiated a cheap room at the family-run Braun Historic Hotel and Restaurant. What a treat this place is if you’re into historical buildings. So much is original! The room was super small but clean and had a window a/c unit (thank goodness as this journey was done on a sweltering day of 95+ degrees!) The owners were very kind and even accommodated my bike in their own private quarters in the hotel where they assured me to “just come in and out and make yourself at home here” in order for me to deal with unpacking and repacking my bike.

Side note on Hot Spings, SD: I love the town of Hot Springs. If you ever have the chance, go! The sandstone buildings that run along side the babbling brook on main street as well as the small waterfall set up such a relaxing atmosphere. If you go, make sure to check out Moccasin Springs Natural Mineral Spa (adults only) to soak in the original hot springs or head to Evans Plunge with the kiddos (Spring-fed pools for play). I didn’t have time to do either of those things but because I saved so much money by riding my bike here and not driving (ha ha!), I treated myself to a delicious filet and fries at the in-house restaurant at my hotel called the Buffalo Steakhouse. This was really great food, very fair prices and they have a place where you can sit outside to dine! They also offer elk and buffalo steaks or burgers for those of you looking for a true taste of Western South Dakota! Hot Springs should be this amazing, gentrified, beautiful little town…it’s just not quite there yet. But I am hopeful as on this trip there was MAJOR infrastructure work going on and I noticed several new store fronts taking over the once dilapidated and empty historic sandstone buildings. Hopefully soon, this lovely little town will have its day in the sun. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the history of Hot Springs is interesting and (as all history is in our country) woven with tragedy that includes Native Americans and early settlers. It is worth doing a google search or finding a book to learn more before you go or as you visit here.

By the end of day 2 after being in the heat with no shade for 7 hours, finally making it to Hot Springs and even after eating a real meal, I realistically only saw myself making it to Custer the following day. The ride was going to be 30 miles of some pavement but mostly gravel double track, it was going to be climbing pretty much the entire way AND it was going to be the hottest day yet. It wasn’t that I was defeated. It was more that I just didn’t have confidence in what my body or my mind could do anymore.

I lost a lot of the confidence in my physical capabilities over the past 2 years just due to some health issues that have not quite been resolved. Its not anything major or that I can’t live with (I know so many people have major health issues so I don’t want to make it seem like mine are dramatic). But if you are someone used to all your self-worth being based in physical accomplishments (btw…if you are resonating with this then it’s so important to work through this issue and realize you are worthy beyond your physicality!) and then all of the sudden your body and health change for whatever reason and you can't do what you used to do for a time period, you lose that ability to believe you are capable. It leads to confusion on what you can still do or not do physically as well as if it’s OK for your health to keep pushing. So this was that moment where I just decided I won’t be able to go further and that’s absolutely OK with me…I really was fine with Custer being the end of my route. I had prepared myself before going into this trip that I would be flexible with my self (not demanding of myself like I would typically do in the past when I would set a physical goal. That kind of behavior is what got me into health issues in the first place!) So I was all set and at peace with ending. I made a plan with Luke to pick me up in Custer the next day. However, while on the phone with him telling him my reasons and that I was even a bit nervous about making it to Custer, he gently reminded me that I am used to riding in the heat and that I am used to riding long and that I know how to manage my mind. And that one sentence was all it took for me to consider that maybe I could make it the entire way. But, I told myself I would leave the decision until tomorrow got going (that’s a trick a use a lot, by the way, on physical endurance journeys as well as in normal, every day life. A decision will need to be made, but if it doesn’t have to be made at that exact moment, I will remind myself that I can start things, see how they go and stay open and flexible to different decisions. When the time comes, based on my current experience, I can then make a decision. More often than not, this leads to my best decision-making.)

I woke the next morning at 4:30 (typical for me) and had my bike packed and was on the road by 5:30. This is my favorite time to ride. The sun is just coming up, the rest of the world sleeps and stillness abounds. It is also cooler at this time of day! I started the long climb straight out of Hot Springs, took some off-shoots from HWY 385 onto gravel lanes that rolled with green hills, on through the entrance area to Wind Cave and then carried on back along the highway. It is in this section I got very close to a buffalo (not by choice!) as well as watched a coyote hunt a prairie dog as her baby watched from the background on the horizon. These are truly magical moments to me. The awe that I experience when things like this are in my reality is like nothing I feel anywhere else. I always believe that experiencing moments like these are the closest to heaven that we get here on earth.

This is why I love long rides: It gives you the opportunity to practice existing in the present moment for a long time period. When you are riding (particularly solo) your mind automatically focuses. There is one thing to do and one thing only: pedal. There is no, “I need to do this now” or I should get this done” or “I have all these things I must do”. There is none of that. Because none of that even exists when you’re out there doing your thing. And yes, your mind wanders, you have other thoughts but then a buffalo rises up out of the long grasses in the ditch right next to you and just like that you are back into the present moment. You’re thinking about work next week as you round a corner and a vista appears where the sun is rising through scattered clouds and the sky appears in deep purples and oranges and your breath catches and you are back in the moment.  And over a long period of time of your mind being in the present moment from outings like this, it starts to do it automatically in every day life. You get to go home and live in your “real” world but you automatically notice that beautiful way your daughter tilts her head when she’s asking for something from you. Or you sit on your back deck and notice how the breeze shifts the leaves in that tree just so. Or you really sense the love that comes through that hug from the man you love in the moment it is happening. This is present moment living and I’m all about more of it.

Back to the journey to Custer: I make a right turn onto a gravel double track and start climbing even more…ugh! But… it’s completely shaded and I’m not feeling that heat yet. In fact, I’m having lots of thoughts about making it to Hill City and maybe even back to Rapid City today with my own horse power?? The road is beautiful. It’s bumpy enough to keep me interested but not too bumpy that I can’t look around. Around every twist in the road holds a new treasure to look at. Rock outcroppings in all different types of sandstone and granite, a stream flowing along the twisting trail, a vista of canyons and pine. I gain more energy from these views and I also remind myself of the brain research (yes, this is how my mind works) that says the brain will always tell us to shut down before we actually physically need to shut down (look it up-its a thing!) So with this renewal of my thinking, I begin to think that I can maybe make it home today and complete my loop. I text Luke to let him know I’m going to push for Hill City and that I’ll let him know at that point what I may or may not attempt.

Side note: I want to include all my thinking here because I’m hoping if you are on the fence about trying something like this, that you can stay flexible. I’ve found for any physical and/or mental endurance endeavor staying flexible with how things may or may not turn out is usually imperative for them turning out. I really needed to allow myself the flexibility of ending the ride or not. Setting myself up for the mentality I used to hold, “You have to do this completely or you are a failure” etc, etc is just a way to self-sabotage the entire journey. Holding onto the mentality that this is truly about the journey along the way and NOT about the end point is what keeps us flexible, open to trying new things, enjoying! And I hope it’s not lost on you that this is the perfect metaphor for every day life. Yes, this type of mindset is truly required for physical endurance efforts if we want to get the most out of them and live to tell the tale and do another one. AND…it is the type of mindset that brings more peace, joy, and meaning to every day life as well!

I rode into Custer much quicker than I anticipated so didn’t even stop. Just kept on going to Hill City. The funny thing here is that I promised myself I would not use the Mickelson Trail for any part of this journey. Don’t as me why. It was just a thing that was lodged in my head. But, of course, I am obviously going to ride that beautiful section of perfect gravel with no motorized traffic from Custer to Hill City. I’m staying flexible by riding the Mickelson! Ha!

I arrived in Hill City about 80-90 minutes later (this section is 15 miles long with a 5 mile climb out of Custer up to Crazy Horse Monument and then has about 10 miles of descent). The downhill was welcomed and gave my butt time to rest off the seat. Relief. And now it was only 11:00. Early in the day. I have time to make it to Rapid City and complete the loop. Even if I went super slow or had to walk some, I could get there. So, gingerly getting back on my bike (quads and butt were aching at this point) I started to pedal. The last leg of the journey involved a little more gravel and double track just so I wasn’t on the highway with all the Saturday tourist traffic and then a return to Sheridan Lake Road. Sheridan Lake Road into Rapid City is a beautiful, scenic and typically paved road. However, when I rode this (July 2022) much of it was gravel due to construction going on and because of this, not many cars were using it. Yay!

(My favorite food combo of the journey!)

Those last 15 miles flew by even though my pace was quite slow and the sun was beating down on my body in the open space of that wide road. There is something about knowing you’re about to be home. A cold shower. A beer. Real food. Clean clothes. Your own bed. Your loved ones. Comfort. And then there is the grieving part. A sadness that the uncomfortableness is ending. That the calm from the present-minded-focus will be more difficult to come by. That the heightened spiritual sense from pushing your limits will not be as easily attainable in day to day life. I have learned to hold both at the same time. To embrace the comfort and the uncomfortableness. To not only allow for both in life but to cultivate both on purpose.

There is one thing I was told by my biking mentor (and bestie) years ago. As we were attempting the Black Hills Expedition together and suffering madly on a climb while carrying our bikes over a forest of down-trees (Samelius peak before the clean-up for all my local friends), she said to remember that when we are flying on the downhill (which is just on the other side) we will believe that we can do anything again! And this has stuck with me in riding and in life in general. There are ALWAYS climbs in life that make us want to quit and there are ALWAYS the downhills on the other side of things where we can fly. We experience joy and we experience grief simply because we exist as humans. The problem only arises when we try to stay away from the uncomfortable feelings and try to hang on too tightly to the comfortable feelings. This creates the struggle which is suffering. The trick is to end the suffering by allowing ALL the hard climbs and all the fun downhills, all the comfortable and uncomfortable feelings. It is so much easier to feel hard feelings when we don’t dump suffering on top of the difficult experience. And it is so much more reverent when experiencing joy if we don’t struggle to hold on to it. Allow it all.

And that’s how it ended. After a final 9 hours on the bike, I rode into my driveway. I was home. Solo. Confident. Empowered. Joyful. Changed. Free.

Choosing Words To Create Our Experience & Who We Want To Be

Our words shape our experience. The way we tell our story or our narrative creates the way we feel about the story. And that, therefore, creates the way we act upon the story.

If you are having a conversation with your date or your spouse and in that moment you are thinking ‘she doesn’t really care about me’ or ‘he doesn’t really love me’ or ‘he’s just talking to me like this because he’s just being nice’. ‘They would stop this conversation long ago if they could’. The feelings then come with those thoughts are typically feelings like anxiousness, loneliness, sadness, unworthiness, etc. This instantly can make you feel negative physical sensations in the body. The feeling-sensation is now actually an embodied experience and now all this is going to influence how I talk next, what I say. Now I’m going to talk too much and maybe over-share because I’m feeling unsure. And I’m going to talk more and now I’m rambling and I’m all over the place. Now I am thinking even more that I am not interesting and I am scattered and he or she does not want to be listening to all this.

Our narrative, our story, one phrase, one thought becomes our experience and our experience become the motor for our behavior and the motor for our behavior lands us in a place that is often the exact opposite of where we actually want to go.

Now, if we run a different narrative or story in the same situation and instead we think, ‘They are really happy to have me here and I can tell because they are smiling and asking me questions and this is really enjoyable for them’. This different narrative, these different thoughts completely change our entire experience of our world.

This is just one example. Think of all the times that the words we choose to think or speak or write influence how our world and experience unfolds. If we have a specific goal in life….maybe eating healthier, maybe connecting more to a child or partner, maybe finding more job satisfaction, maybe writing a book….whatever it is, the words we use to describe these things, how we think about these things, how we talk about these things to others will influence if we obtain and live out these goals in our real, every day lives.

This is not about “thinking positive”. This is about thinking in a more useful or helpful way, choosing more useful and helpful words, to get us where we want to be in life or who we want to be life.

Pay attention to your words, your sentences, your narrative, your stories. They make all the difference to our lives as well as to others in our lives.

Forget About Passion. Focus On Purpose.

Anyone else tired of hearing the importance of finding your passion?!! I think those of us in the health & wellness area are doing a dis-service to others by constantly and purportedly shouting about how important finding your passion in life is. BS. 

Now, I do believe it IS wonderful if you are one of us humans who have a specific passion in life, but for many of us, we just don’t and never have. I often felt I was doing something wrong or I was flawed because I couldn’t figure out what my passion was…I mean, I heard over and over I should have one and if I didn’t, I was really missing out. Super frustrating for me for many years.

Until one day I realized that purposeful living actually was bringing me immence joy. So I started doing some research on passion and on purpose. After lots of reading and feedback from clients I was working with, purpose was the hand-down winner of joy and meaning-bringer.

Finding your passion is counterintuitive to living life. Life is about “not knowing” and then doing something anyway. There is an assumption that when you “find your passion” all of life becomes easy and happy and falls into place. Also not true. 

Creating purpose in your life actually brings meaning, more joy, and more life-satisfaction. And here’s the best part: you can take action to create it. You don’t have to go finding it. Purpose is about turning your current responsibilities into purposeful actions that matter, and then doing that again and again.  

Here are some ideas to get you started: 

1. Do something kind for someone else. Being altruistic on purpose will begin to bring you thoughts and feelings of purpose.

2. Think verbs like studying, reading, walking, loving, caring, working, playing…. Taking action on things like this begins to bring more thoughts and feelings of purpose.

3. Think adverbs like compassionately, skillfully, thoughtfully, respectfully, lovingly, dazzlingly, wisely, willingly. Living in these ways creates more thoughts and feelings of purpose.

You get to choose your purpose. You don’t have to go looking for it. You don’t have to change what you’re already doing. If you give haircuts to people, you can decide your purpose in life is to help others feel beautiful. If you manage a bank, you can decide your purpose is to create a safe and inspiring space for your employees. Purpose can be found in everything you are already doing. 

And that’s the beauty in living a purposeful life. You don’t have to go searching, you don’t have to worry about not feeling “passionate” about something. Nothing is wrong with you. Focus living your current life on a purposeful route and you will find all the meaning & joy life has to offer. 

Curating Gratitude

If the sense of our self & our world is based in the belief we must be rescued before we can be who we truly long to be, our prime emotion will always be fear. If our sense of our self & our world is based in wonder, our prime emotion will be gratitude. 

Some of my favorite words to meditate on to create a sense of gratitude:

WONDER

CURIOUS

ENTHUSIASM

AMAZED

MARVEL

Felt all of these out and about in nature this past weekend. Nature seems to automatically slip us into these spaces.

Working With Your Inner Critic To Gain The Life You Want To Be Living

What does your inner critic tell you? That you’re stupid, fat, no one ever notices you, you’ll never get things done, you can’t do anything right, you’re ugly, there’s something wrong with you, they don’t really love you, and on and on. 

Our personal inner critic typically come from overt or covert messages we were given in childhood but they also come from messages received later in life…and almost always from another person. 

As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others. When we fail to have awareness of this voice and we fail to create separation from it, we allow it to influence our behavior and shape the direction of our lives. It may sabotage our successes or our relationships, preventing us from living the lives we want to lead and becoming the people we seek to be.

There are ways to overcome your inner critic and live the life you want to be living. The first step is recognizing your inner critic. Cultivate awareness and curiosity. Pay attention to the critical messages your inner critic throws up to you. Once you have a handle on what it likes to say to you, take a step back and recognize that this voice is not a reflection of reality. It is just a pattern of thought. Become the observer of your thoughts and create separation and space between you and the thoughts. Start here. 

Eventually the further work of cultivating self-compassion creates living from a space of freedom from your inner critic completely. It may pop up at times but there is no believing it anymore, no feeling the negative feelings that stem from the negative thoughts, and no behaving or acting on thoughts and feelings….meaning you’re free to live your life you dream about.

How To More Deeply Experience Joy & Peace - Embracing Negative Emotions

Is bliss, when there is nothing to contrast it with, actually enjoyable for human beings? Or is it rather that the full range of human emotions is required for anyone of them to take on significance? From “All Things Shining” by Dreyfus & Kelly

The answer to that last part of the question is a resounding YES. We need all emotions in order for any of them to have meaning. You could compare this to a person who can only tastes sweet. There is no significance to the sweetness, no enjoyment, no pleasure. The pleasure only occurs when there is a contrast to bitter or sour. The same with our seasons or temperature. The lovely feeling of the warmth of the sun is experienced in greatest rapport only after a very chilly day or season.

The experience here is not to just “get” this is true for us as humans but to KNOW it….to take it deeply within ourselves and integrate it within our belief systems and daily living. Truly knowing and integrating this concept within ourselves builds our experiences and shapes our perspective of the world. 

When we integrate the belief that we need all emotions in order to sense any significance in any of the emotions most of us want to experience in greater amounts like joy, peace, happiness, purpose, meaning, pleasure, enjoyment we can live in a way where we do not fear any emotion, including the ones we typically do fear and try to avoid at all costs like grief, sadness, disappointment, anxiousness, etc. 

When we don’t fear experiencing any emotion, we can truly experience peace. We can stop the struggle of trying to get away from fear or disappointment or sadness or putting in all the energy to push them away, repressing them only to have them reemerge in ways that harm us even more. “What we resist, persists.” Sometimes this manifests even in physical illness but often as mental and emotional issues as well as broken relationships. To stop negative emotions from compounding themselves into these negative issues, the remedy is to stop struggling against them, and instead embrace them as needed in order to experience those emotions we so desire in this journey like enjoyment, peace, happiness, etc.

Embracing the significance of negative emotions does not mean we don’t feel those negative emotions anymore….that experience never ceases. But it does create for us a way to find peace even while experiencing those negative emotions. I think of life as 50-50. 50% of the time there will be an experience of negative emotions. 50% of the time we will experience positive emotions. We need both in order to experience any meaning, any purpose, any significance …which most of us as humans are looking for whether this is conscious or unconscious. 

Stay In The Adventure!

Stay in the adventure! If you want to find more meaning in your life, more joy…

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-Practice exploring

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-Stay constantly curious

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-Practice gratitude

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My dad shared a story with me once about his dad, my grandpa who was a farmer in Northwest Iowa. They were down in my grandpa’s & grandma’s sprawling garden (even had a large working water wheel my grandpa had meticulously built by hand) and my grandpa leaned over to a bush of roses and pulled a beautiful blossom forward, encouraging my dad to come closer. As my dad peered at the bloom from a few inches away, my grandpa said, “It is impossible to not believe in miracles when looking at this magnificent little flower”. That story has stuck with me for over 30 years. It is truly in the small, still details of life we find solace & reverence.

“When the pain or the boredom or the anger is so overwhelming that it seems as though one cannot live through it for even second longer, when it is so unendurable that it seems to have transformed itself into the definition of a living hell, that that is the moment when one has no other choice but to build a wall around the present and live entirely in the Now. That is why crushing, crushing boredom is the key. For riding it out forces a choice, the choice of total misery or to turn all distractions mute and abide in the joy and gratitude of the eternal Present.” -from the book “All Things Shining” by Dreyfus & Kelly

Our thoughts can create the scared and the meaningful. We must learn to pay attention to this and understand we are empowered to create this for ourselves. Exploring, staying curious, & practicing gratitude….These 3 practices keep us in the adventure of life & give us the feelings that we as humans look for to bring about meeting & purpose to our lives.

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Learning To Surf

Emotions are just like waves. They come and go, up and down, over and over for the rest of our lives. You can take the ride on these waves while practicing choosing your own thoughts and behaviors regardless of the feelings. 

This is not to say feelings are not important. They are. They give us a signal that we might need to pay attention to something important. They can protect us. They can promote social interaction & emotional attachment. They can reinforce creativity and motivate our behaviors (useful and not useful behaviors).

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But what often happens is that we experience a difficult feeling and we believe it’s going to last forever or that we will never get out of it. We allow the feeling (which is just simply a sensation in our bodies) to stop us from moving towards our goals. We don’t process the feeling and therefore it grows stronger and can’t dissipate and so it grows bigger, freaking us out even more.... which moves us to other behaviors we later wish we had not engaged in.

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Example: you FEEL unmotivated, indifferent, apathetic. You have a goal of walking 20 minutes every day. You don’t FEEL like going so you don’t. At some point later on you regret not going and have to deal with all those uncomfortable feelings and possibly declining health.

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The PRACTICE of learning to ride the wave of the feeling-sensation with curiosity (not judgement) and allowing the feeling to just be there (not trying to push it away or stuff it down) and therefore processing it, creates a life filled with realized dreams & goals, thriving relationships, & more feelings of peace and joy.

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When we allow the feeling and get curious about it, we recognize that our behaviors and thoughts are not contingent upon a feeling. We can act and think thoughts of our choosing no matter the feeling. We don’t need feelings to motivate us into any behaviors.

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Continued example: you don’t feel motivated to walk but you say to yourself, “I’m going anyway” or “I don’t need to feel motivated & I am willing”(chosen on-purpose thoughts) OR you simply just put your walking shoes and go (chosen on-purpose behavior).

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Just something to consider as you embark on your new thoughts & behaviors to get you to the new goals & dreams you are working to implement for yourself.

How To Build a Healthy Relationship With Your Self

What’s your relationship with your Self like? Do you talk to yourself in the same way you talk to others? Do you abide in a relationship with yourself that is kind, disciplined & loving...Like the one you have with the child you love? Or do you find yourself in constant conflict within the relationship with yourself? Do you use harsh and negative words when speaking to yourself? Do you beat yourself up with words quite often? Do you use the same language and tone of voice as you do with your best friend?

These are important questions to ask ourselves… One of the biggest issues that holds us back the most in life from living authentically & truly living how we want to show up, is the voice in our heads that creates the relationship with our selves.

One of the fastest ways I found to create a thriving relationship with myself was when I was in my single years, without a significant other, & yet longed for adventure and exploration. I had always been able to fulfill these passions with my partner... but when this was not available to me, I decided to face my biggest fear and take a mountain bike trip on my own.

These pics are from my first trip to unknown mountains (to me) to ride my bike. When I look at these, I can remember the fear I had starting off on an unknown trail, completely alone in the cool, early morning hours, with no cell service and only a map I had to read on my own to get me back home. I remember having thoughts that I shouldn’t be doing this. That if I get hurt or die out here nobody is going to know. That I was being irresponsible. And at the same time, I knew if I didn’t do this, I was going to lose part of me. It was time to begin to grow that healthy relationship with myself.

I can truthfully say that taking that trip completely solo, was the best thing I ever did for my relationship with my self, for my relationship with my daughter, and for my future relationship with the man I love. It gave me the tools to trust myself, to be compassionate with myself, to be vulnerable with myself, to know my ability & my worth, to give me confidence which then allowed me to bring those things into my other relationships. (On a side note- I ended up taking quite a few solo trips on my own after this one…that’s how wonderful the experience was! And, to this day, I try to work in day-solo-adventures at least once or twice a month to keep my relationship with myself going strong.)

If you can make it happen, alone time in wilderness with some fear and struggle can help immensely to quickly create that healthy relationship with yourself. Other ways can include journaling to yourself, learning & reprogramming yourself to talk differently to your self, & therapy. (One of the greatest works in therapy is to help a client create a healthy relationship with themselves). When the relationship with ourselves is healthy, we are able to live our most purposeful, authentic, and meaningful lives. #tryit

My Working M.O. For Chronic Anxiety

Through my work over the years, I’ve come into contact with many, many people whose lives have been impacted greatly by anxiety and depression. Luckily for me (I guess??!!) I have always understood where these clients and friends of mine were coming from as I have my own personal understanding of what it’s like to live in an anxious mind that can take you down a road of depression. I also have practiced and figured out tactics, strategies, and interventions over the years that have worked for me to be able to shed the anxious mind (most of the time).

Anxiety symptoms can include: dizziness, numbness and tingling, chest pain, headaches, neck tension, upset stomach, pulsing in the ear, burning skin, nausea, shortness of breath, difficulty swallowing, shaking, repetitive coughing, twitching or “tics”, shooting pains in the face, heart palpitations, sugar or carbohydrate cravings, weakness in legs, chronic pain and an inability to rest. And that just a short list of how physical symptoms can manifest from anxiety.

Anxiety symptoms also include a feelings and thoughts of impending doom, endless worries about anything and everything, overthinking every situation and occurrence, catastrophizing every situation and interaction, ruminating thought patterns (worries and patterns of thoughts that won’t stop and just loop over and over in the mind), feeling unworthy, and feeling shame.

In my professional and personal experience I find that anxiety unchecked almost always leads to times of full-blown depression for most people. That is how anxiety and depression get linked. It is also why figuring out how to manage our anxiety as soon as we recognize the symptoms is so imperative.

My close friends know I love aging. I love the process of getting older and I always have. I’m not trying to rush out of here or anything…. its just that the older I get, the less I experience anxiety symptoms. That’s probably due to the years, days, months, and minutes of practicing mindfulness, working on coping skills for stress, and figuring out how to become aware of my brain’s need to send worries into the forefront of my mind over and over and over..... and then learning how not to believe the thoughts....and then practicing how to let the thoughts just “be”.....and then figuring out how to relax into more helpful thoughts.

Ruminating thoughts of not being good enough? I recognize them, visualize them floating by, and replace with thoughts of self-worth. Ruminating thoughts that the person I love the most might die? I recognize the thought, thank my amygdala for trying to prepare me (even though it’s unnecessary) and focus on my more helpful thought, “everyone is safe right now in this moment.” 

It’s not about positive thinking. I believe the positive thinking concept is too simplistic and doesn't work for someone with anxiety….we just “over-think it and know its BS anyway”. It’s about what can I control and what can’t I control and how to put my attention on more helpful thoughts rather than putting my attention on the repetitive worries my brain continues to spit out. 

Our brains are magnificent and one of the greatest things I learned about the brain is that it will go where we choose to put our attention. We often think our brain runs the show. And it does. Until we step in and train it for how we want the show run. Through practice, effort, and patience, we can control our brain, our narrative (our story), our life.

A big moment for me in being able to ditch a lot of my anxiety was when I started embracing it in my mind. Paradoxical, you think? Not really. Telling my brain, “Thank you for trying to protect me” (after all…an anxious brain is just a hyper-protective brain trying to keep us safe and prepare us for anything and everything), creates a whole different cascade of thinking patterns and feelings and actions than thinking, “Brain, I hate you! Why do you keep torturing me with terrible thoughts that are wrecking my life??!!” See how that works? Being grateful for anxiety and thanking it goes a long way to taking away it’s perceived power over me. My brain is not in charge. I am.

The repetitive worry-thoughts are often still there in the background of my brain buzzing around, but as I age and practice my thought-strategies, it’s a low to mid-low hum back there most of the time. This leaves lots of room and energy in my mind to create the narrative of the life I want. A life filled not with worries and ruminating thoughts, but full of life, love, peace, meaning and purpose.

Other strategies to help with anxiety:

Mindfulness/meditation techniques and/or spiritual practice

Eating whole, healthy foods that include enough protein, carbs and fats for your individual needs

Regular exercise

Sleep hygiene

Relaxation techniques

Showing kindness/helping others/altruism

Asking for help and getting support from family and friends

Therapy (I hesitated including this one as I’m a therapist and it seems weird to then recommend a therapist but the truth is, if you can find a good one that you click with, it really can help alleviate the anxiety and get you on track to learning about more strategies that work and how to implement them into your life).

How to Create Passion, Motivation, Life Change With 1 Simple Strategy

I have this thing with retrograde perspective; I enjoy it.  Yes, I know how much more important the present moment is and I know how much more progressive it is to set goals for the future. But there is still something in my nature that has me looking back to my past, trying to understand, trying to make sense of who I am and why I think, feel, and do the things I do. I often think we look at our parents and childhood as our main directives in life (which they are) as well as our experiences we have had (which obviously shape us)... but for me, the books I read in my formative (and recent) years also had a very large thrust in creating who I am presently. I'm thinking about all of this as I'm looking to influence anyone who is stuck, who is uninspired, who is attached to a certain life but wants to become different, shift, pivot.... Could be as simple as reading a book.

If you know me even a little bit, you know that I don't like "stuff". Stuff makes me feel anxious, makes me crabby, makes my mind think too much. So I tend to not have a lot of clutter or knick-knacks. I have 4 coffee cups and 4 plates. I make due without a pair of kitchen tongs. I like my counter tops bare. I try to not have an excess of anything. (Except for bikes.. I just remembered I like bikes. In full disclosure, I have too many bikes.) And, although I love to read and love books, I refuse to keep them after I'm finished (too much stuff). Except for the stack of books I have in the picture.  And this is my point.....

I can't let go of these books. Many have traveled with me for over 30 years from the Carlos Castaneda book my dad gave me in my teenage years to the The Prophet that my mom turned me on to at about the same age. Edward Abby took me to the desert when I was 19 where I learned that I could feel God in vast landscapes. Jung and Campbell created a passion in me to make meaning and understanding from what lies beyond our consciousness. Thich Nhat Hanh and Tolle helped me find peace in suffering. Each of these books has somehow impassioned me so strongly and shaped me in such a profound way that I can't let them go. They have some real power to create a force that can bend and shape and revise a life....

I guess my hope in sharing this brief, free association of my thoughts is that if you are feeling stuck, stymied, blocked and you have a need to find some passion in life, shake things up, make change to yourself and your life in someway but just can't find the motivation....try a book. Try one of these. Try a different one. Sometimes a simple read can be a powerful life-changer. 

Temptation and the Weekend: How to Stay On Track

Unfortunately the weekend is typically where our healthy behaviors break down a bit.  During the week we have a schedule; we are structured and typically somewhat planned out.  Over the course of 2 days on the weekend, we can undo all our healthy behaviors we accomplished during the week.  We tend to eat more unhealthy foods and just eat more in general.  Some of us add in extra empty calories by drinking more alcohol.  Don't undo everything you did this past week.  Here are some tips on how to stick with your healthy goal behaviors on the weekend: 

1.  Keep a food diary.  A food diary (either written down or by using an app) can help you be mindful of what you are consuming.  This simple awareness and accountability is sometimes enough to keep us on track.

2.  Eat like it's a weekday.  There is really no reason to not eat like you typically do throughout the week.  Eat at the same times you would during the week and eat what you typically would during the week.  

3.  Eat protein for breakfast.  This is an important one.  If you can start off your weekend mornings with protein for breakfast, instead of empty carbs, you are more likely to stick with healthy eating throughout the day.  If you're not a breakfast eater, try taking a shot of protein powder (no soy) with water.  It will give you a boost of protein and start your day off right.

4.  Walk/run/lift/move.  Do something physical on Saturdays and Sundays.  Move.

5.  Keep your usual sleep patterns.  So many of us like to stay up late on the weekends and sleep in.  Although this feels good in the moment, research tells us that changing up sleep patterns activate hormones that regulate your hunger signals.  Even if you get the same hours of sleep, switching your bed time and wake-up time will affect these hormones and make you feel hungrier than you typically would feel.  Stick to your weekly schedule. 

6.  Weigh in on Mondays.  If you weigh yourself once a week, (and you should not be doing it more than this), make your weigh-in day on Mondays.  Knowing you have to step on that scale on Monday may help you stick to cleaner eating over the weekend.

7.  Plan for relaxation.  The weekend should include some relaxation time.  Plan for this.  Schedule in time to read a book, go for a walk, take a bath, meet up with friends, etc.  Relaxation helps us stay more mindful and in the moment.  More relaxation equals less stress-eating.

The weekends can be tough when trying to stick to healthy behaviors.  But with a little insight and planning, it can be accomplished!  Don't give up!

Screw the Skinny Jeans

This post is a comment on the conversations many of us women share at the gym: how to feel OK with the number on the scale.  

Some of us increase our weight on purpose for competitions and performance.  If you lift, you probably understand this. During these times of "higher weight" (even if performance goes up) some of us continue to mind-battle that our skinny jeans feel much tighter than usual or don't fit at all.  

Weight and performance can be a constant struggle that takes up too much of our time and energy.  I posted the link below as the author was authentic and real and didn't offer a simple solution (there isn't one). 

But there is hope in regards to freedom from the mind-battle.  Yes, it does help to have a crew of supportive, strong women and men to validate your strength and performance and to also be one of the crew members who validate other women.  There are also some things you can do on your own to win your freedom...it takes practice to change the thoughts that contribute to the struggle, but it is possible.  

First, you have to recognize the thoughts when they come up.  After that initial awareness its time to fight for clarity.  Every time a thought pops up that creates a struggle within you take a deep breath, say a prayer, meditate, use mindfulness to focus on your 5 senses....in other words, create some momentary space between you and your thoughts.  Your thoughts are NOT you.  You can learn to take control of your thoughts through practice (just like you practice for a skill in the gym or sport).  Eventually the mind-battle will lessen in frequency and intensity.  You are NOT your thoughts.  Enjoy your healthy, strong body and screw the skinny jeans!!!

http://www.catalystathletics.com/articles/article.php?articleID=1839

Before & After As Told By Clients....

When your mind, body, and soul are in sync, the possibilities in life are limitless. The pictures you see are all clients who are living life on purpose. The following are some of the texts and emails I have received from some of my clients who have gone through (or are currently going through) my program. I typically like to post before and after pictures as it shows my clients' dramatic results, but the truth is I created this program to change so much more than just body shape. The emails and texts below reflect that. My clients get results because we have an ACCOUNTABILITY AND COACHING RELATIONSHIP. They have access to me and I am available to them to help them deal with their own personal food/health/fitness issues. This is the difference of an accountability/health coaching individualized program and a one-size-fits-all program. The goal is to get my clients the body and health they want but it is also the goal to get them to a lifestyle that will sustain these goals for the rest of their lives. This program is also designed to get my clients to live the life they have always wanted....full of energy and vibrancy and success! We only have so many days in our lives....and they pass quickly. If you feel moved to make a change, feel free to get in touch and ask me more questions about my program.  (heatherheynen@gmail.com)

"I was thinking this morning what happens when I hit my goal weight...? My thoughts were, this isn't about a weight, but because I get under 150 doesn't mean I should stop doing the right thing. I just want to eat clean, feel good and ROCK my workouts and that is exactly what I am doing. I am really happy and so thankful for your support. I am finally feeling like myself again!" 

"This has been a pretty incredible journey, I am anxious to see what the next 5 weeks bring. I can’t wait to show you the pictures at the end. The transformation is amazing.  I have so much more confidence and feel so much better about myself.  The transformation is both physical and mental."

""This has been such a life changing program for me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  😊.  I have enjoyed this also. I'm so thankful how easy you make this program. I have never had luck with stuff like this.  You are very good at what you do 😊 "

"Interesting results.... I have been plagued by a really annoying skin condition since 2003.  Every summer it flares when it gets hot.  Every time I vacation somewhere warm I end up with it.  It's called tinea versicolor.  It leaves hypo pigmented spots once it goes away. Not cute in a bikini.  Anyway, my point, is that I have not yet had a flare up since changing my eating.  Totally awesome!"

"Well this week I lost 3.2 lbs, wow that’s the most I’ve lost since week 1.  I am so excited considering last weekend was Las Vegas, and I was up 2 lbs when I got back. What came as a surprise to me on my trip was I never felt like I was sacrificing anything.  I ate some really good healthy food choices, and I have actually made some of the same things since I’ve been home.  I was able to indulge with my liquid beverages and came home satisfied, and didn’t get out of control with my weight."

"Here are some positives I am gaining by living healthy and well:

1.    Being able to do what I want, unstoppable every day even when trying new things/adventures. Living healthy and well is a confidence boaster. Stopped saying things like: “that is too far”; “not now later”; “I don’t have time”; was the game changer for me. Identifying what was going to make me happy and stepping towards that every day in some way even if it is a small steps or a leap of faith.

2.    Being able to recognize new strengths within myself each day through self-reflections, breathing, working through become a more mindful athlete and pushing myself through uncomfortable from the inside."

Fat & Endurance Sports: Stop the Bonk

Last Saturday I participated in a 40 mile mountain bike race. The race was fun, beautiful, and (as always) a little painful.... ....Although this time it wasn't quite as painful and I believe this was due to some different training and fueling techniques I employed that I will share below.

I love endurance sports and before I dabbled in functional-fitness-type-things, I would supplement my rock-climbing with super long runs and bike rides. But, my favorite was, and always has been, very long mountain bike rides. I just can't get that "high" from any other activity like I do from finishing a long, hard ride or race. The problem with the love of endurance sports is that as one ages, the battle wounds of hours and hours of long workouts starts to take a toll. So I am always searching for ways to stay in the game longer, recover quicker, and still compete with myself.

My old training patterns leading up to a race or long ride:  

Very structured and absolutely a must to get all planned rides and lifting accomplished.

Ride for 2-4 hours every day, lift 3 times a week, ride some more. 

Typically I would take the day off two days before the race, do a set of sprints the day before the race, and then give it everything on race day. 

My old fueling patterns:  

Simple carbs and protein before the race (banana, protein bar, crackers, oatmeal, etc).  

Every hour during the race: power foods (simple sugars) like gels and gummies, and sips of a carb/protein shake mix.

My new training protocol:

Intuitive and flexible.  

I have rides and gym work scheduled but if I'm not recovered from a previous ride or session, I rest instead of doing my workout. 

I still use a periodization schedule based on seasonal athletic goals, but I'm much more flexible with what happens on a daily basis.

Fueling... One word: FAT (ok... two words: HEALTHY FAT). Now I won't get into all the recent science behind this wonder-macro but it is working for me. (Just a side note:  I am a firm believer that we should all be consuming heathy proteins, fats, and (gasp!) carbs. BUT....everyone is very unique in what amounts work for them to create the body they want and energy they desire so this is NOT one size fits all!....More on that in another post.) Using fat to fuel during long endurance efforts lessens the number of times one needs to fuel, stops the bonking, and provides our bodies with the ability to burn it's own fat instead of the typical burning of sugars that we are usually ingesting every hour to keep going.

The old way did work for me.  I always did decently (for me) and I always felt good about how I did, etc.  But as I got older, training like this was wearing me down.  I wasn't getting faster and I could not recover as quickly as I desired.  And, this is why I love reading all the new exercise/nutrition science... There really are some amazing new ideas emerging in this field that can be used for self-experimentation that can lead to fun results.

Here are a few healthy fats to experiment with: avocados, macadamia nuts, almonds, MCT oil, grass-fed butter, ghee, olive oil, and pumpkin seeds.  Try incorporating just a little into your diet and see how you feel. Are you satiated? Do you feel energetic?  Remember, too much fat (or too much anything) will still make you pack on the pounds and feel lathargic, so pay attention to the amounts you use. Also, I tend to see that men have a much easier time incorporating fat into their diets without needing to pay super close attention to the amount and source, but fat works differently in women's bodies. We have particular hormones that fat may influence. So again, this is all very individual. 

If you are an older-ish endurance athlete or amateur, wanting to speed things up (including your recovery time) this is worth trying and experimenting with. Plus, it just tastes good! Enjoy!

You Can't Outrun Your Fork

I wanted to share a conversation I had with a close friend of mine who is also a nutrition/fitness science geek like me.  

He sent me a few studies on how our activity/exercise level really does not effect our fat loss and that to lose fat, it is 99% of HOW (are you relaxed or stressed when you eat) and WHAT (whole, real or processed foods) we ingest for food.  Although the calorie in/calorie out theory for fat loss has been debunked over the past 5 years, it has yet to reach mainstream media.

With that said, some exercise has great benefits in regards to reducing inflammation, building muscle (which increases metabolism and helps you burn more fat), releasing growth hormone (if you're lifting or using calisthenics) and helps us release stress (which also helps our cells release fat).  So for those reasons, exercise is an important tool in health and weight loss.

But the point is that we cannot chronically exercise out of fat (the reason for this has to do with inflammation, cell damage, and hormonal break down... more on this later in another post). What happens is that if your mind set is such that "if I run for 2 miles then I can burn off that cup of ice cream I had", you will get fat. Our bodies do not work this way. Calories in do not always equal calories out (and never equal calories out if we eat a fair amount of sugar.... Which by the way we are ingesting in most anything processed including salsas, ketchups, salad dressings, yogurts, etc.... But I'll save that rant for another post).

Bottom line is this wonderful phrase he left me with:

"YOU CANNOT OUT-RUN YOUR FORK!"

If you can live by that mantra, you will  find some peace in your body composition, your activity level, and your life.